XxpuppetmasterxX and LilMzSunshine
by KalliopeStarmist
Summary: Kankuro and Hinata end up in a loveless marriage :blame their fathers: , which is, of course, their cue to retreat to the internet and fall in love with other people. But the internet is no substitute for real life... KankuroXHinata
1. The Engagement

XxpuppetmasterxX and LilMzSunshine

Chapter 1: The Engagement

A/N: This story is every nerdy fanfiction writer's (me! me!) romantic fantasy.

I'm not excessively fond of this pairing... It's ok... It's kind of like SasoSaku, with all the spice taken out (for those of us who can't handle too many lemons in one sitting). I'm not even sure if it's a common pairing or not. I've never seen it before, but I don't read a lot of fanfiction. I only wrote this story because I got a new notebook, and I like to start each new notebook with a new story. If you liked it and are glad I bothered to type it/finish it, thank Celeris... who for some reason has taken it into his otherwise-sensible head that this is a good story.

Warning: Character life, in the form of the Kaz.

* * *

_The fundamental defect of fathers is that they want their children to be a credit to them. _

–_Bertrand Russell_

* * *

Gaara was the least favorite child in his family (thus was sent to live with his bi-polar uncle), and therefore never really got an accurate impression of his father.

In fact, contrary to Gaara's beliefs, the Kazekage cared a good deal for his children, and wanted only for them to be well provided for. (And by them I mean Temari and Kankuro. He was out of paternal instinct by the time Gaara rolled around and just didn't care anymore.)

That meant getting them the hell out of Sand, and into Leaf, if at all possible. To shinobi, Leaf was the Mecca of Residential Areas. It was clean, beautiful, friendly, rich, and peaceful. You wanted your kids living in Leaf.

And the Kazekage had done it. It had taken a few calls, a few diplomatic visits, a few favors cashed in, and, yes, it meant he would lose his two babies, but so worth it to know they would be in the safest village in the world.

"Karura," he said when the day came, placing his hand on his son's computer monitor.

"Kankuro, Dad. My name's Kankuro," Kankuro corrected without looking up from his typing.

"Yeah, Kankuro. Today your fiancee turns eighteen."

"Are you serious?" Kankuro looked at his father for a moment, trying to decided if he was just being senile again or if he really meant it. He decided on the latter. "You're not going to actually make me marry this girl, are you?"

"Of course. You made a commitment."

"No, Father, you made a commitment when I was about two."

"I'm sorry you don't want to, but I'm afraid you cannot go back on this. It's far too important for the relationships between--,"

"Just like you always taught us, right, diplomacy and country first?" Kankuro growled. "How did Temari get out of that disaster of a marriage you tried to rope her into?"

"That was broken off mutually. He was in love with someone else, so his father wanted it called off, and then Temari doesn't want to get married at all (something I don't understand, but...) and didn't want to leave Suna." This was also something the Kazekage didn't understand, but when it came down to it, he wasn't so upset to see his carefully laid plans go awry; he couldn't have handled losing his baby girl anyway.

"_I_ don't want to leave Suna, Dad! I can't leave Temari and Gaara alone here!"

"They won't be alone. They'll have each other. They'll have me."

"HA!" Kankuro couldn't help snorting at the last sentence.

"You spend enough time online, it's not like you'll lose touch with them."

"Online is different... anyway, I'm way too young to get married."

"Nonsense, I was married when I was Gaara's age."

There was a moment of silence as Kankuro blinked at him. "Wow..." he said slowly. "There are so many comebacks for that statement, I'm not sure that I can pick just one."

"Ha. Ha," the Kazekage laughed humorlessly. Kankuro continued to type. "What are you working on, anyway?"

Kankuro moved aside. His father had never taken much interest in his online activities, and he was a little flattered that they'd been noticed. But not much. Really, he'd been sitting there typing the whole time and he just now mentions it.

"Wait, this is _your_ site? _You _do the Ultimate Guide to Online Po—," the Kazekage stopped himself. "...er..."

"Don't be embarrassed, Dad," Kankuro grinned. "Baki goes to my site, too, and _he's_ got a girlfriend. You're an introverted bitter old single man, I'd be a little worried if you didn't, well, you know..."

And that's when the Kazekage realized that he didn't know his oldest son very well. He loved him, of course, but he had never noticed that Kankuro was an adult now, who had hormones and interests (beyond toy trucks and Power Rangers, that is) and a personality.

"I should spend more time with you... It's a shame you're getting married," he sighed. "Well, come on, pack your stuff."

* * *

Hinata was 18 years, one day, and nine hours old. She was online, watching her favorite videos on YouTube. After putting up with her family first for Christmas, then for her birthday (She often thought she couldn't have picked a worse time to be born... December 27... you don't even get the born-on-Christmas pity points for that one), she felt she deserved a day of rest. Especially since she just _knew_ the New Year's rush was coming up.

But she was also far too shy to mention this when her father decided for God-only-knows-why to start talking to her.

"What are you doing?" he asked, watching over her shoulder curiously. She wished that they had another computer so she could have one in her room and not be bothered.

"I'm watching Naruto kick the living snot out of Neji at the Chunin exams a few years back."

"That's on YouTube?!"

"Oh, yeah. XxpuppetmasterxX had it up about ten minutes after the match ended," she said, her eyes glazing over in admiration as she spoke the screen name.

"XxpuppetmasterxX? The guy who does the Ultimate Guide to..." Hiashi stopped himself. "...er..."

Hinata pretended to have no idea what her father was talking about. "He's amazing. He has up all of the fights from that year... even the one with me and Neji, don't ask me how he got ahold of it... he makes these amazing AMV's, and he's the founder of the Unwanted Children's Guild on LiveJournal, too," she trailed off with a dreamy sigh. Hiashi didn't comment on the fact that his daughter belonged to said guild.

"... right... well, what I wanted to talk to you about—,"

"_All Hinata wanted was your respect!_"

Hiashi missed half a beat when the computer interrupted him. "And the sound, too, huh?"

"Uh-huh. He does a really good job, you can hear everything they say."

"Oh..."

"Yeah, most of the world wide web thinks you're an evil bastard who murdered his brother," Hinata shrugged, closing the window and spinning around to face her father. "So, what did you want to talk to me about, Daddy?"

"Um... Hinata, you know you're engaged, right?"

"I am?"

"I take that as a 'no'... well, you are. And now that you're of age— Hinata, are you all right?"

Hinata's pale skin was becoming an even more unhealthy green shade. "I- I- I ca-can't..."

"Hinata, listen, you have to marry _someone_, it's part of your duty as my heir." Hiashi was vaguely bothered by having to make this speech, because it was word for word the spiel his father had given him when he was an awkward teenager, and Hiashi had loathed his father. "Look, is there someone else you'd rather marry? Not Shino, though, he's got his own clan to look out for... and not Neji,"

"Because he's my cousin,"

"No, because he's a very angry boy and he'd probably kill you... is there anyone else you even talk to? Kiba or Naruto, maybe? Not Sasuke,"

"Cause he's even angrier than Neji."

"Let's not go that far, but it's the same basic principle."

Hinata nodded. "Well... I might as well ask them... see if... Kiba wants to."

"At least _talk_ to Naruto. Heck, maybe you'll get lucky and catch him in a good mood. If you don't chicken out, anyway."

* * *

Kankuro was throwing rocks at one of his neighbor's windows. "NAT! NAT! Wake up!"

A few minutes later, a young woman in a blue bathrobe answered the door. "You can't knock like a real person?"

"You wouldn't've answered if I did."

"It's nine in the morning, damn straight I wouldn't have answered. What are you doing at my house at this ungodly hour?"

"Is it an ungodly hour? Ungodly at my house ends at 3:30."

"Yeah, don't I know it. What do you want, Kankuro?"

"My dad's making me marry some girl from Leaf unless I convince him that I've got a serious girlfriend that I couldn't bear to be separated from."

"You've never had a serious girlfriend in your sorry life."

"That's where you come in."

Nat closed the door in his face. Kankuro immediately began knocking on it until it reopened.

"Kankuro, we only went out for two weeks, and that was months ago!"

"I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm asking you to make it look like you love me so I can get this marriage called off."

"I'm not going to lie to your father for you."

"Then do it for the poor chick who's life you're ruining through your selfish refusal to lie to the Kazekage for an ex-boyfriend you never really cared about."

Nat sighed and leaned against the doorframe. "I'm sure she'll cope... you're a good guy, Kankuro, even if you are a little weird. And given the kind of creep most girls end up with in arranged marriages, I'd even say she's lucky to have you... face paint and all."

Kankuro smiled a little. "Thanks, Nat-chan."

"Of course."

"... are you sure? Just one night—,"

"NO!" the door slammed again. "Go home already!"

* * *

"Any luck?" Hiashi asked, even though it was very clear from Hinata's dejected appearance that the mission was a failure.

"I went to Kiba's house... and I ran into him walking the dogs with his sister on the way there, so I just asked him. He looked really happy, but Hana butted in and said nothing personal, she really likes me, but she'd rather see her little brother dead than married to a Hyuuga."

"Yeah, I kind of thought you might have that problem with him... or any kid with parents, really. Did you try the Kyuubi boy or did you wimp out?"

"I tried!" Hinata said defensively. "I knocked on his door... and Sakura answered wearing one of his T-shirts. And nothing else."

"Douche chill," Neji hummed from the spot on the floor where he was lying and reading that month's "Bird Watchers' Digest".

Hinata sighed.

"Maybe he would if you explained the situation," Neji suggested. "He's the kind of kid who takes charity cases."

Hanabi, who had stolen the computer when her sister left, snorted into the keyboard. "Oh, come on, Neji, he's a nice kid, but he's not a martyr. I mean, if you had the choice between marrying the weird shy girl," she nodded at Hinata, "And dating Haruno Sakura, the hottest, peppiest, most... er, _outgoing_ girl in town, who would you pick?"

Hyuuga Hanabi was thirteen years old and very very cynical.

"The girl's got a point," Neji shrugged, going back to his magazine.

"So..." Hinata said miserably, when she saw that her sister and cousin were done putting in their two cents. "I'm getting married, aren't I?"

"Looks like it..." her father shrugged. "Try to be optimistic. You've never met this boy, maybe he'll be decent. His father's a good man."

"Says you, but you murdered your brother."

"Oh shut up. Look, I know that this isn't fun. I realize that arranged marriages are stupid and awkward and doom you to a life of misery, and I know what I'm talking about here, because it's how your mother and I ended up manacled together."

Hinata's mother and father had a ... love-hate relationship. And it was love-hate in the same sense that yellow-green is a shade of green rather than yellow.

"So why did you do this to me?"

"Because the one thing this family does really well is perpetuate horrible cycles our ancestors started centuries ago, right, Branchy?" Neji held up a thumbs up without looking away from his magazine. "And at the time it seemed like a really good match. He's the Kazekage's son, so it was great for village relations, he doesn't have a last name, so you get to keep yours, and his family doesn't have any weird inherited abilities, so the children's blood line would be pure-,"

Hinata started shaking. "Ch- chi- children?"

"It's Ok, it's Ok, don't panic!" Hiashi started quickly before they had to break out the old paper bag. "That's a long way off, don't worry about it. Don't even think about it. You don't even know this boy, nobody is expecting you to sleep with him."

"Yet," Hinata said darkly.

"Don't even think about it. You just have to get through the wedding... which is next month, by the way."

"_A loser like you could never hope to become Hokage,"_ said the computer.

"Hanabi, don't you have _anything_ you could be doing besides watching YouTube?"

"What, like pick out my bridesmaid dress? I thought you said we had a month."

"... could you at least watch a different video?"

* * *

New Story from LilMzSunshine

Category: General

Title: Matchmaker, Matchmaker

Genre: Angst/Drama

Rating: Fiction Rated T

Summary: Youko has spent her life trying to live up to her family's expectations. Now they expect her to marry a stranger, and she's too used to doing what she's told to object...


	2. The Wait

XxpuppetmasterxX and LilMzSunshine

Chapter 2: The Wait

A/N: Just so you know, Hinata writes for a bizarre alternate-universe fictionpress, where everybody reads and reviews a lot... kind of like fanfiction for original stories. Most of the names in Hinata's story have the same basic meaning as the names of the characters they're based on (i.e. "Youko" means "sun child").

* * *

_Music played at weddings always reminds me of the music played for soldiers beefore they go into battle_.

— _Heinrich Heine_ (no, I don't know who he is, I just needed a quote.)

* * *

LilMzSunshine,

The following review has been submitted to: Matchmaker, Matchmaker Chapter: 1

From XxpuppetmasterxX

This story is AMAZING! I can't believe I found this, it was exactly what I was looking for! I mean, I love your other stuff, but this is my favorite yet! It's so insightful... you're great at capturing emotions.

Loved the part with the crush and his slutty girlfriend. What a bastard. I hope Youko's not still in love with him after that.

* * *

"Oh my god! Oh my god oh my god!" Hinata stared in amazement at the simple email. "Oh my god..." Stunned, she checked the stats on her most recent story. On the favorites list of the following members... XxpuppetmasterxX included. "NEJI! Neji, GUESS WHAT? Guess what?"

"You're getting off the computer so I can check my email?" the young man asked without much hope.

The not-so-subtle hint flew over Hinata's head. "No, XxpuppetmasterxX reviewed my story! And he put it on his favorites list! There are only three others on his faves, and two of them are by Fanny'n'SandyMcGee, and they know him in real life! And... and..." _I love your other stuff, but this is my favorite yet!_ He read her other stuff... the famous XxpuppetmasterxX had read her other stuff... Hinata had a fair following online, but this was beyond her.

"That's amazing, Hinata," Neji agreed, more amused than blown away. "I'm surprised _anybody_ read that thing. Isn't it just you bitching about having to get married?"

"It's how I cope, OK?" Hinata snapped, her reverie broken by the unwelcome reminder of the disaster that had sparked this bit of fortune. "...Nii-san... you don't think that... I'll have to stop writing, when I'm married, do you?"

Neji's expression softened, mostly because Hinata had snapped at him, and that was the number one sign that she was in horrible emotional turmoil over this marriage. "Of course not," he assured her, wrapping his arms around her from behind as she replied to her prize review. "Don't let this guy push you around, ok? Remember, he's the one who should consider himself lucky to be with you, not the other way around. You've got the power in this relationship; you're the heir to the Hyuuga empire (and it really is an empire...damn, you've got some property coming to you when your old man kicks it) he's just a kid from a 4th rate village. Not to mention, all boys are horny little bastards, so you can always withhold sex. Oldest trick in the book."

The hug and friendly advice was a little cheering, but she sighed nonetheless. "I dunno... I don't like relationships were one person holds too much power."

"I know that, Hinata-sama."

Hinata blinked. "Are you mocking me?"

"Yes. Always. Can I check my email?"

* * *

"I talked to _Father_," Temari spat the word; she hadn't quite forgiven her father for marrying off her brother... or for trying to marry her off, three years ago, for that matter. "He says you can take the puppets, just don't give away any military secrets, 'even to your wife'."

Kankuro laughed bitterly. "Yeah, like I'm really going to be talking to her."

"Like Leaf would bother to attack us," she added sarcastically, sitting cross-legged next to the computer. "So, what's the word on internet erotica?"

"That's not all I do online."

"I know. Read anything good?"

"Yeah, actually. LilMzSunshine, that author that WhatADrag recommended, wrote this awesome story, so I left a review."

"YOU reviewed?" Temari's mouth dropped open. "You didn't even review those two things Gaara and I did!"

"Why bother? I could tell you in person they were wonderful."

"You're the kind of reader authors hate, you know that?"

"It keeps up my aura of mystery, what can I say?"

"So, what was this story about?"

"A girl trapped in an arranged marriage."

"Oh. So it's not really that great, is it, you just sympathized."

"No, Temari, it's really good!"

Temari smiled. "I believe you... her stuff is really great, I've read some of it. AND reviewed."

"All right, so I'm a bad person. Anyway, she wrote me back... apparently she's in the same boat I am; her dad's making her marry some weirdo..."

"Don't say that too fast," Temari warned, "You could be the guy she's marrying."

Kankuro shook his head. "Nah, she lives in Hidden Cloud."

"Ooh, disappointing," sighed Temari. "Oh well, at least you've got a friend who's not sick of listening to you complain."

"Yeah. God, I hope this family has a computer."

"I'm sure they do... Konoha's not stuck in the Stone Age, if all else fails, it's not like we don't have friends with computers there."

"You and Gaara have friends there... I don't."

"We'll give you Shikamaru, Naruto and Lee's addresses. They'll hook you up. People there are real friendly, even _you_ won't have too much of a problem."

* * *

Hinata was avoiding going home because she had the premonition that her mother was hunting her down to pick out a dress and talk about sex, so she was meeting with Shikamaru down by the river. The two of them were good friends, mostly because they were each other's number one fan online.

"I read your new story," Shikamaru said.

"Yeah, I got your review."

"It's not my favorite. It's real angsty. I mean, it's well written, but..."

"Yeah, I know... Neji didn't like it much either, but he's not the one who's getting married, so what does he know?"

"Wait, you're really getting married?"

"Yeah, didn't you get my email?"

"I thought you were joking! When's the wedding?"

"In three weeks... it's like a shotgun wedding, except I'm not pregnant. I don't know what the hurry is, but they'll call it off if I find somebody else... Shikamaru, will you marry me?"

"Hinata, it's a drag, but I'm far too gay... anyway, Chouji might get jealous."

Hinata sighed. "Well, it was worth a shot. I'm going to go let Mom tell me how to use birth control..."

Shikamaru shuddered; he had met Hinata's mother once, and perfectly understood why Hinata was so afraid of her.

* * *

Hinata looked a lot like her mother; which was good, because she sure as hell didn't look like anybody else in her family, and the distinct eyes and her mom's hair were about the only things that kept everyone convinced that she belonged with them at all. She certainly didn't act like a Hyuuga, but this was probably for the best.

"How about this one, with the beadwork?" her mother asked, pulling a dress into the light so they could see it better.

"It's nice," Hinata ventured timidly.

"That's what you've said about every dress we've looked at."

"Because I don't care! Can't I just wear your dress and save us some trouble?"

The woman laughed. "Sweetie, I burned my wedding dress years ago."

"Why?"

"I dunno, I was fighting with your father, who can remember about what, and it seemed like a good symbolic thing to burn."

"Oh..." Hinata pondered this quietly, and her mother went back to looking around the boutique. A few helpful salespersons had rushed to their aid when they first entered, but she had fended them off by threatening to go to the mall and pick out a white-ish prom dress if they didn't back off. She had wanted to be alone with her daughter, and she was beginning to regret it. She spent so little time with the girl that she had forgotten how insanely meek she was, nothing like she had been at her age. It was hard to believe they were related.

"I know that you aren't happy about this marriage, Hinata, but try to make the best of it."

"... but, Mom, I'm not like you and Dad... I don't _like_ arguing. Or standing up for myself at all, really..."

"I know, and that's a problem, but I don't know what to tell you."

"I don't get why you guys did this to me... you two are completely miserable together."

"That's not true." It was. "In our defense, we didn't know that you would be such a pansy when we set this match up. And you have to get married, and since there's nobody around here that you might fall madly in love with, what difference does it make who you marry?"

"Well, I'd rather have a friend than a stranger."

"Remember when you became a ninja? And you were so bummed out because you didn't know anyone on your team? Well, this is kind of like that. You're getting teamed up with someone you don't know, but it doesn't mean you'll be miserable."

"I guess."

"Do you want to try this one with the long sleeves on?"

"Ok," Hinata sighed, taking the dress into the changing room.

"... Um, Hinata..." Her mother sounded awkward through the door. Hinata winced and blushed for good measure. She had known this was coming. "Since you're getting married and all... There are some things..."

"Yeah, Mom, I know what a condom is."

"Good for you. Don't use one."

"... what?"

"The entire point of marrying this guy is to have a kid that you can arrange horrible marriages for and beat the self-esteem out of and all that. Using protection defeats the point... I mean, you don't want to sleep with him any more absolutely necessary."

"...I guess... could you zip this?"

"Sure." Her mother stepped into the little room and pulled up the zipper on the back of the dress. "And, you know, you're a little more lucky than your father and I... because what's important is that it's your kid... the father doesn't really matter. _Hint_. There, that's pretty."

"I guess..."

"You don't like it?" Hinata shook her head. "Well, all right, take it off, then."

"Well... it'll be kind of fun, being a mother..."

"No, not really. You're not going to like the baby, you're just going to have one because you have to. That's how all arranged-marriage babies are. I didn't really want you."

"... but, after I was born, you realized that you loved me after all, right?" Hinata asked hopefully.

Her mother thought about this for a moment. "Nope."

Hinata didn't say anything to this. There didn't seem to be much she could say. This was why she hated spending time with her mother.

"Come on, Hinata, just pick one... what about a blue one? That'd drive your father absolutely nuts..."

"Actually... I like the one with the extra gauze layers in the skirt... it looks flammable."

Her mother smiled at her appreciatively. Maybe she really was her daughter, after all.


	3. The Wedding

XxpuppetmasterxX and LilMzSunshine

Chapter 3: The Wedding

* * *

_Marriage is not a word, but a sentence._

* * *

Hinata was on the phone. "Um... I'm not sure... nobody's been telling me anything. Just a second, I'll ask." She put her hand on the receiver so as not to hurt her friend's eardrums. "Daddy? When's the rehearsal dinner?"

"The what?"

"You know, for the wedding... Shino wants to know."

"Oh, we're not having one."

"Why not?"

"Because we don't want this guy to bolt after he gets a look at you," Hanabi said. Hinata glared at her.

* * *

"So... Do I get to meet this girl before we get married or what?" Kankuro asked after they had arrived at their hotel. His father shook his head. "No? What do you mean, no? This is like a blind date from Hell!"

"It's pretty sensible, really," Temari said. "I mean, put yourself in her shoes. Would you stick around if you realized you had to married _you_?"

Kankuro glared at her.

* * *

Hinata's mother insisted that she wear a little makeup, so Kurenai was applying some foundation for her as they waited for the wedding to start.

"...Kankuro..." Hinata tried to conjure up an image of the middle Sand Sibling without much luck. All she really remembered about him was the kitty ears, the face paint, and the puppet. She wasn't entirely sure she had ever heard him speak. "I don't know anything about him."

"Hey, at least it's not Gaara!" Kiba said, adjusting Shino's tie for him.

"Amen to that!" Kurenai and Shino added.

"Anyway, I think Kankuro's an ok guy," Shino said, "He's not insane or angsty or anything. He's just really average. One could do worse."

"Sis, look at my dress!" Hanabi skipped in.

"AH!" gasped Shino, Kiba, Kurenai, and Hinata.

"It's- It's-," Hinata sputtered not from nervousness, but from lack of a word. "It's pinker than necessary."

"And fluffier," Kiba said.

"I know, isn't it hideous? Mom picked it out." Hanabi spun around once to show off. "I look like a cartoon poodle."

Akamaru barked, so Hanabi patted his head. "Is Kurenai-san the only female bridesmaid you have?"

"I don't talk to many girls," Hinata shrugged. "And I don't care what happens today. Mom's the one who's been excited about planning this. Do you think Kankuro cares?... I wish I could at least talk to him before we go through with this."

"It's bad luck," Hanabi said. "And what difference would it really make?"

* * *

"...Hinata..." Kankuro muttered to himself. He vaguely remembered her from his first chunin exam. "Well, at least she's arguably the most adorable girl on the face of the planet."

"I can't believe he's making you marry into the Nutso Clan," Temari said bitterly. "The son of a bitch."

"I'll be OK, Temari. She's nice."

"She's a world-class freak, is what she is! I don't want my baby brother shut up with the Hyuugas and married to the anti-empowered poster child!" Temari cried, throwing her arms around Kankuro and smushing the carnation on his lapel.

"Don't be so emotional, Temari," Gaara said. "It's already emasculating enough to have your sister as the best man, don't make it worse by crying."

"I should have married what's-his-face Sarutobi so I could stay here with you!"

"Don't say that, 'Mari," Kankuro said compassionately. "You've got to watch out for Gaara. I'll still be online, even the Hyuugas must have a computer."

"It's not the same."

"Of course it is; we only talk through emails anyway."

"Don't be difficult, Kan-kun, we're losing our brother."

* * *

Due to bad experiences with large celebrations, the Hyuugas liked to keep things short (which was good for Kankuro, as he hated fuss) and small (which was good for Hinata as she was extremely shy), and after the ceremony they went to the reception and hung out on opposite sides of the room with their respective friends.

"He looks really different without the makeup and outfit," Kiba said. "I didn't recognize him at all."

"Are you going to have to dance with him or anything?" Shino asked Hinata, glaring through his shades at Kankuro and his family.

"I don't think so," Hinata said uncertainly. She snagged Hanabi as the younger girl walked by. "Hey, go ask Dad if I have to dance with... er..."

"Kankuro," Kiba prompted.

Hanabi blinked at them. "You can't ask him yourself?"

"Just ask him, doob," Kiba said, pushing her gently. He didn't have anything against Hanabi; you _couldn't_ have anything against Hanabi; she was just a cynical little girl without much personality one way or the other. But she was his friend's little sister, so he picked on her anyway.

Hanabi talked briefly to her father and returned. "Two songs, tops."

Hinata looked unhappy at this.

"Ask if she can just get away with tossing the bouquet," Kurenai suggested, sending Hanabi back.

"He says he'll cut it down to one song, if you agree to cut the cake with what's-his-face."

"Well, all right... but tell him I need a glass of wine first."

Hanabi returned once more. "You just have to cut the cake."

Hinata made eye-contact with her father and nodded once. They had a deal.

* * *

"Was she as scared as she looked, just now?" Gaara asked his brother after they had retreated back to the Of The Sand corner with their cake.

"I dunno... she was shaking. I almost wanted to take the knife away from her and help her out, but I think I'm the one intimidating her," Kankuro sighed, morosely checking his reflection in the back of a spoon. "I mean, everyone else here is her family or a friend."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Baki, who was just there, as always, advised. "It's not like her family treats her real well. After all, we were all here for the Neji-Hinata fight."

The Sand nins nodded solemnly.

* * *

"Well... um..." It was the next morning, and the Sands were leaving, and Hinata and her family were seeing them off, which was a very difficult social situation for Hinata. "It's good to... meet you, Kankuro, and I guess I'll see you again some day."

"Hinata," Hiashi tapped her on the shoulder. God, his kids could be dumb... (Hanabi had twice tried to microwave a Ding-Dong with the foil on). "Kankuro's not leaving. He's staying here with us. That's why all his stuff is sitting in the living room."

Hinata blinked, turned red, and hid herself behind Neji for the remainder of the good-byes.

"So... how was last night?" Neji asked her under his breath.

"It was fine... nothing much happened. I've almost finished the next chapter... Hanabi tried to sleep with some wedding cake under her pillow and dreamed Konohamaru pushed her into a vat of icing."

"No, I mean, did you and Kankuro..."

"Oh, he slept in the hotel with his family. I haven't even talked to him alone yet."

"Well, I guess you'll have plenty of opportunity tonight."

"... what do you mean?"

"...He's sleeping in your room. You did know that, didn't you?"

"He- he is?"

"I take that as a 'no'... yeah, he is. Don't panic," he added as Hinata's breath started to become more shallow.

"How am I not supposed to panic? I can't go through with—,"

"Nobody's asking you to go through with anything... except sharing the blankets, which, granted, is no fun, but—,"

"All boys are horny little bastards, you told me so yourself!"

"We are, but I'd imagine that right now he's just as afraid of you as you are of him." Neji glanced at his cousin out of the corner of his eye. "Ok, maybe not _as_ afraid, but he's stuck with a stranger away from home, sex is the last thing on his mind. Nothing is going to happen."


	4. The Honeymoon

XxpuppetmasterxX and LilMzSunshine

Chapter 4: The Honeymoon (if you could call it that.)

* * *

_One of the best things about marriage is that it gets young people to bed at a decent hour._

— _M. M. Musselman_

* * *

Hinata decided to stay up as late as humanly possible, which was made easy because of a sudden flash of inspiration.

"Um..." Kankuro fidgeted after an hour or so. "Could I maybe... get online for a while?"

Hinata blushed. "Um, could you wa–," she shook her head as if reproving herself. "I'm sorry. Go ahead."

Kankuro had never met someone so incapable of standing up for herself in his life. He missed Temari. You didn't have to be polite to Temari. "Finish what you're doing. I'm not in a hurry."

* * *

New Chapter from LilMzSunshine

Story: Matchmaker Matchmaker

Chapter 2: Tying Knots

* * *

Kankuro liked the internet. He had discovered it as a haven as a young boy dealing with an overpowering brother and an unsympathetic community. Online he was liked, well liked, even somewhat famous. He had friends, he was accepted. Life had gotten a lot better at home recently, but now, when he needed it, the internet was still there, still his haven, where his sister could type out terse replies to his angst on her cell phone on the road back to Suna, where LilMzSunshine had miraculously appeared to help him through this transition.

He was in a very decent, almost good mood when he finally turned off the computer and worked his way to his room, trying not to turn on too many lights, since he was the last one to go to bed.

* * *

Hinata awoke when someone stepped on her head. "AH! What the hell!?"

Kankuro yelped and jumped backwards. "The hell are you doing lying on the floor?"

"I was sleeping," Hinata groaned, sitting up blearily.

"On the floor?" Kankuro asked, flipping on the lights and making both of them blink.

"Yes, on the floor," she said, stretching out the kinks in her back. "So you could have the bed."

"You didn't have to do that," he told her guiltily.

Hinata shrugged. "I don't mind." Actually, she would rather sleep on the floor. The less physical contact she had with him, she thought, the better.

"I'm not letting you spend the night on the floor. Your cousin might murder me," Kankuro laughed. "Come on, get up," he said, wrapping a few chakra threads around her limbs and pulling her to to her feet.

Hinata panicked as her arms and legs began moving on their own, controlled by the thin tendrils of light that ended at Kankuro's fingertips. He twitched his index finger, and she was forced to take a step towards him.

Kankuro was puzzled as Hinata began shivering. Hadn't they been getting along for a few seconds there? Having a conversation, even? He tightened his control over her muscles until the quaking stopped.

Hinata fought back tears. Neji had lied, she would have no choice, after all, wouldn't even be allowed to move while he—,

Kankuro released the threads quickly when she started to sob. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, bewildered by the behavior of this easily-threatened creature.

"Please— please don't—," she choked out brokenly, taking two steps back as he took a step towards her.

Kankuro was a little hurt. He hadn't done _anything_ to this girl and yet she was in tears! (Meanwhile, she got on well with Neji, and Kankuro had _seen_ him try to literally murder her.) "Calm down," he pleaded.

"Please, don't do this, not now," she whimpered. She was out of room to back away; Kankuro caught her and held her against his chest, the way Temari would hold him and Gaara when they were little and upset.

"Shh, don't be scared. I'm not going to hurt you."

"Please, I'm not ready for this," she managed, breathing quickly.

It took Kankuro a moment to realize what she was talking about, but, to give him some credit, when it finally sunk in he was possibly more horrified than she was. "Wait, you think I'm going to—," he shuddered and let go of her, stepping back a little. "No, no. No! I would never do anything like that! That's so wrong... You poor thing, I must have scared you to death. No wonder you started crying!" Hinata wiped her eyes, looking hopeful. Kankuro laughed shakily. "That's just how I play around with my family, the chakra threads," he explained, "I didn't think you would take it the wrong way. I'm sorry, I should have known better. I can be a real ass sometimes, I guess."

Hinata sank onto the bed. "No, I'm sorry. I- I have trouble, dealing with other people. I get paranoid and... panic, I guess. I shouldn't have felt so threatened."

"Eh, don't worry about it... and you don't need to be so timid around me. I don't bite."

She smiled wanly. "I'll sleep on the floor. It's been a long couple of days for you."

"For you, too," he reminded her.

"But... this is my home. It must be hard for you to be away from your family. The least we can do is offer you a bed to sleep in."

"... all right. But tomorrow I'll be on the floor ok? Fair's fair."

* * *

LilMzSunshine,

The following review has been submitted to: Matchmaker, Matchmaker Chapter: 3: Weaving Webs

From XxpuppetmasterxX

I'm hurt, Sunshine. Is it a shot at me that this guy's a puppeteer? XD I'm going to have to write a companion to this from the guy's point of view. (With your blessing, of course).

I hope real-life Mr. Sunshine didn't actually try anything with you. I'd have to come down there and cut a bitch. He's making my specialty look bad.


	5. The In Laws

XxpuppetmasterxX and LilMzSunshine

Chapter 5: The In-Laws

* * *

_Until I got married, I was my own worst enemy._

* * *

XxpuppetmasterxX

You have received a Review Reply from LilMzSunshine

Story: Matchmaker, Matchmaker

XD Sorry, PM, didn't mean to insult you. I'm sure Mr. Sunshine isn't at all indicative of puppet masters. I'm sure he's not even allowed in the official puppet-wielding guild.

And, to be fair, I do exaggerate a little in the story; he treats me all right, I guess. Is the puppet mistress still hyperventilating whenever you get near her?

As to the companion: PLEASE write it! It's really hard for me to be objective (read: I don't even try XP) and I'd love to get the guy's perspective. Say, do you want to meet me online tonight? Around 7, maybe?

* * *

"So, what was with you last night?" Shikamaru asked Hinata as they had their weekly "Anti-Writer's Block" breakfast at The Tango Mocha. "You kept logging on and off of NIM" (ninja instant messenger).

"Yeah. I was supposed to meet XxpuppetmasterxX last night," she sighed unhappily, "but Kankuro had to meet somebody and they never showed. So he insisted on checking his email every few minutes... It was awful. I finally just emailed XxpuppetmasterxX and told him to do whatever he wants, and I'll tell him if I want something changed."

"Which you won't."

"I will. He listens to his fans, he won't mind."

"You're not a fan in this case, Hinata, you're a muse."

Hinata turned pink. Shikamaru laughed. "I'm actually kind of interested in this story, now. We'll see if it works out better than some of our collab projects. He posted the first chapter yet?"

"I don't know. Kankuro was on all night after I sent the email... and again this morning. He hogs the computer all the time"

"It's Hanabi and Neji I feel sorry for. They must be going nuts. It's like getting another you..."

"Shut up! Neji goes to Gai's to check his email when he gets desperate, and who cares about Hanabi?"

"Her Gaia friends?"

"Like _they_ count."

"You seem more expressive than usual... are you all right? Going through withdrawal?"

"I'm fine," Hinata groaned. "I just haven't been sleeping much."

"... I don't think he's the type, but if you're _that_ worried about getting raped, maybe you should start sleeping in separate rooms?"

"I'm not worried about getting raped... at least, no more than I am about anything else, and separate rooms are right out... Dad's got it in his head that if we didn't share a room, we'd never talk to each other our entire lives."

"... you know, he is right."

"Please, Shikamaru-kun, I've had a long week. Don't take his side."

"I'm not saying it would be a _bad_ thing if you two never spoke, I'm just saying your dad's right, you wouldn't."

Hinata nodded. It took Shikamaru a moment to realize that this was because she was falling asleep over her muffin.

* * *

New Story from XxpuppetmasterxX

Category: General

Title: Make Me a Match

Genre: Angst/Drama

Rating: Fiction Rated T

Summary: Companion to LilMzSunshine's Matchmaker, Matchmaker. After a hasty arranged marriage, Kenta finds himself alone in a strange country, married to a woman who wants nothing to do with him and living with the most hostile in-laws in human history.

* * *

Kankuro shut down the computer not too long after Hinata left, removing his handy jump-drive reverently. So what if he couldn't afford his own laptop because he blew all his money on puppet parts? This was fine. It was better, really, because it was easier to hide. Of course, it would be one thing for them to find out about his website (the famous one, that is), but now he REALLY didn't want them finding out about his activities. Something told him that the Hyuugas wouldn't take to kindly to his description of the thinly-disguised Hinata character.

"Uh, Kankuro-kun?"

Kankuro quickly slipped the jump-drive into his pocket. It was the little one. He didn't know her name for certain. Neji referred to her as "Midget", but something told Kankuro that "Hanabi" was the more probable choice. "Yeah?"

"Um... can you reach the cereal for me?" she asked, pointing to the kitchen. "I'm not tall enough."

"Oh, sure," Kankuro opened up the indicated cabinet. "Lucky Charms or Trix?"

"The Charms, please. I don't support rabbit abuse."

Kankuro smiled as he grabbed the box. So he wasn't the only one who wondered why they didn't just give that poor bunny some cereal. "That's not a very healthy breakfast."

"It's all we've got," the little girl shrugged, skimming some marshmallow blue moons off the top of the cereal before pouring herself a bowl. "Mom doesn't cook, and she's at her day spa with her girlfriends, Hinata's out with her gay friend,"

"I take it your dad and Neji don't cook?" he asked. Feminist Temari would have a thing or two to say about that.

"Well, they do if they have to, but they both sleep until noon, and Neji hits me if I bug him while he's sleeping... and Dad killed the last guy to wake him up at night."

Kankuro laughed; Hanabi didn't. Kankuro immediately made a mental note to be as quiet as possible at night.

"You can't hire someone?" he asked after a second.

"We used to, but when Mom and Dad argue they tend to move towards the kitchen so they can throw things at each other, so he quit, something about this being a negative environment for him... we haven't been able to get anybody else. Guess we've got a reputation... it's amazing the maids stick around."

Kankuro, as a child who had grown up in a less-than-stable home, felt an immediate empathy for his cynical little sister-in-law. "Do you want an omelette?" he offered, taking some eggs out of the refrigerator.

Hanabi's mouth watered. She looked up at him hopefully. "...really?"

* * *

Neji awoke early (for him) to the smell of fresh-made cookies. Neji liked cookies, and was all for this development, until he remembered that no one in his family knew how to bake.

"It's ok! Just step away from the oven! I've got the fire extinguisher!"

"What's wrong with you?" Hanabi asked, waving a chocolate-covered spoon at her cousin. "Is there a fire?"

"If _you_ were baking cookies, there should be."

"Kankuro-kun made them!" she exclaimed, pointing to a plate of chocolate chip cookies. "We're going to ice them," she explained, once again brandishing the spoon at a bowl full of chocolate icing. "They're going to be so rich that two bites can kill you!"

"Well, it's healthier than what you normally eat for breakfast, I suppose."

"No, he made me an omelette, too. It was really good... it was all... filling and wholesome and stuff."

"We're out of eggs," Kankuro said apologetically, "But if you want to run to the store..."

"Nah," Neji picked up a cookie and dipped it in the frosting. This was more the type of meal he was used to, having lived with Gai for so long and all. He nibbled the cookie, raising his eyebrows a little. "This is... good."

"Thanks," Kankuro said.

What Neji had meant to say was, "OH MY GOD! MARRY ME!" but this would have been far too expressive for him. Not to mention a little gay. So instead he just grabbed a few more cookies and walked off. And while anyone who knew him well would have understood that this was the highest of compliments from him, Kankuro _didn't_ know him well, and was a little miffed.

Hinata snuck around the kitchen, hoping to avoid not only Kankuro, but her entire family. Kankuro, too, of course. She made a bee-line for the miraculously-unoccupied computer.

* * *

XxpuppetmasterxX,

The following review has been submitted to: Make Me a Match Chapter: 1

From LilMzSunshine

Oh my God! This is amazing! I'm sorry that you have to fit so much in to the first couple of chapters to keep up with me, though. My bad...

You handled matching with mine so well! I actually felt sorry for Kenta, and he's my villain! The different perspective is great; I was a little worried about how you would be able to fit it in... It'll be a pleasure doing business with you. XD I can't wait for more!

* * *

"Hinata, you should try one of those cookies your husband made," Neji suggested, walking by her on his way to pick up a few more. "They're not half bad."

"I just had a muffin," Hinata said. What she didn't say was that nothing put her off Kankuro like reading, reviewing, receiving reviews from, or sending messages with XxpuppetmasterxX. She could tell that Neji was quite taken with him (Kankuro); Neji didn't get his hands on decent cookies very often, and she sensed a lecture if she mentioned that she wanted nothing to do with the man who baked them. She could already hear him, going on about how it was her destiny to be married to someone who could cook, not the porno guy, and she would just have to accept this.

Hinata scratched her cousin off the list of people she could talk to and prepared to leave to meet her team.

"Sis, you ought to take Kankuro-kun with you!" Hanabi suggested as she noticed her leaving.

"I– nah, I don't think-,"

"No, he should meet Kiba and Shino... and it gets him out of the house. You can't leave him cooped up here all day. It's rude."

* * *

Hinata stood awkwardly between her teammates and her husband, thinking about all the different ways there were to kill Hanabi, and which one would cause the most pain.

"Well, Hinata, I guess your family emergency days ran out?" Kiba joked. "Through mourning your lost freedom?"

Hinata smiled weakly and laughed a little.

"You know, we never had you pegged as the first one to get married," Shino said.

"We always figured, well, Kurenai first, obviously... even though her boyfriend's a good-for-nothing slacker with a commitment problem," ("Kiba doesn't like Asuma," Shino explained to Kankuro.) "then Shino's parents would start putting the pressure on him, and then I'd meet someone, and then you'd eventually settle into spinsterdom."

"Thanks, Kiba," Hinata said flatly. Kiba laughed and hugged her.

"I'm only teasing you, Hina-chan. So, what do you guys want to do today?"

"We should show our new teammate-in-law around," Shino said. "It's best he at least knows a few land marks, so he doesn't get too lost when he's trying to get away from Hinata's crazy family."

"YEAH!" Kiba exclaimed. "Good idea, bug-boy. All right, Kankuro, first stop is my house... you can meet the dogs! Once they recognize you you can come by anytime... until then make sure you show up with Hinata."

"The spare key to my house is in one of those little fake rocks next to the door, I'll show you," Shino said.

Hinata lingered behind as the three boys walked off, feeling bewildered. Kiba and Shino couldn't like Kankuro! They were _her_ teammates. They were supposed to be watching out for her, not befriending the worst enemy she had had since Neji had gotten all 'centered'.

* * *

As Hinata was scratching Kiba and Shino off of her list of people she could talk to, two more people were being added to the list. If they weren't on it to begin with.

Hinata's mother had gotten back to find a plate of chocolate-iced chocolate-chip cookies sitting on the kitchen counter, and had cautiously nibbled on one. Taking another one very carefully and edging out of the room, as though afraid the plate would vanish, she went to wake up her husband.

"Hiashi, wake the hell up, you worthless lazy bastard!"

"Uh?"

"Eat this cookie."

"I haven't had breakfast yet."

"It's one in the afternoon!"

"Yeah, that's right."

"Just eat the cookie!"

"What's wrong with it?" he asked immediately, taking a suspicious bite of the baked good.

"Kankuro _made_ it," she said in an awestruck voice.

"_Kankuro_... made this? This morning? From stuff we had lying around?"

"He must have..."

"We married our little girl to someone who can bake..."

The couple stared at each other. This was something that, pending Hanabi growing up into a productive member of society (something nobody was holding their breath on), had never before happened. "We did something _right_."

* * *

LilMzSunshine,

The following review has been submitted to: Matchmaker, Matchmaker Chapter: 4, Betrayals

From XxpuppetmasterxX

XD Kenta's so lucky... my in-laws all hate me. I know Puppet Mistress's teammates, though, and they're pretty friendly... if a little... weird.

My mother and father-in-law in particular scare me. They're really overbearing, I guess is the word, and they treat me like some kind of science experiment... it's not really a surprise that their daughter's incapable of dealing with people.

Sorry, what is this, my own private angst session, or a review? Great chapter, and I know what my response chappie's going to be.

It's a bitch that your friends are all turning on you, though. What the hell's wrong with them?

* * *

New chapter from XxpuppetmasterxX

Story: Make Me a Match

Chapter: Homesickness


	6. Valentine's Day

XxpuppetmasterxX and LilMzSunshine

Chapter 6: Valentine's Day

A/N: This one's my favorite chapter. I'm just gonna tell you that up front.

* * *

_I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it. - Garry Shandling_

* * *

Email

From: LilMzSunshine. To: XxpuppetmasterxX

Subject: Marriage Angst (what else?)

Sorry for bugging you... You don't need to read this, especially if you're in a good mood. I don't want to bring you down. I just needed to vent, and WhatADrag and my family are sick of listening to me.

I just realized that Valentine's Day is coming up, and, well, this will be my first V-day ever when I'm with someone and I **hate** him. I hate my husband. And that was bad enough, but then it occurred to me that this is it. I'm stuck with this guy for the rest of my life. I'm never going to spend a Valentine's Day snuggling with my boyfriend or watching a stupid romance movie or anything. It's just me, on my own. Forever.

So, I made myself depressed. I mean, this really wasn't what I wanted. I knew I'd have to get married someday (my family's real weird about stuff like that), but I always hoped that I'd find someone who, you know, loved me and all that romantic stuff, but also that I didn't feel threatened around. It's hard to explain since you've never met my family, but... I'm really shy, and it seems like my entire life I've always been surrounded by people who intimidate me. My entire family is constantly pressuring me to do better and meet their expectations and I've always been afraid of screwing up around them. I thought I'd marry a man who supports me and doesn't care if I'm not the perfect daughter, and I wouldn't be so afraid anymore.

But instead I end up with this guy. I guess he's all right... I've started feeling a little bad for him since your story came out, (XD) and it could be worse, but I just can't ever imagine feeling comfortable around him. I'm not getting someone who supports me, I'm just getting another family member to worry about disappointing. I feel like I'm never going to be anything but scared and alone...

Dear Abby: Am I just being a silly schoolgirl too caught up in a romantic fantasy to accept my lot in life?

— love, Not Alone on Valentine's Day

* * *

Email

From: XxpuppetmasterxX To: LilMzSunshine

Subject: Re: Marriage Angst (what else?)

Dear Not Alone:

I don't think you're being silly at all. There's nothing wrong with wanting a spouse who supports you, or with wanting to be with someone you care about on Valentine's Day. (And if there is, then I'm just as screwed up as you. XD)

And, since I can tell you're feeling insecure (I'm psychic...) I want you to know that your husband and the man I write for in Make Me a Match are two completely different people, and don't waste your sympathy on your husband, because he's a jerk. A complete bastard who doesn't deserve you. You're wonderful, you should be with someone who loves you.

It is a little weird, though. I've been on dates and stuff before, but I've never thought at all about what kind of girl I'd like to marry. I guess my family's a little bit different from your's; they can't put any pressure on me because they're too busy ignoring me (middle sibling angst!). Maybe I'm the one who's being ridiculous. Maybe I should just be grateful that I got _someone_ to marry me... (at gunpoint, but still).

Well, that's my return angst. Email me any time. I love hearing from you. (emoheart)-- xpmx

* * *

Hinata blushed as she read the reply to her email, but didn't respond immediately. She turned off the computer and grabbed her coat and purse.

* * *

"Welcome to the Yamanaka Flower Shop! Bouquets are 10 percent off for Valentine's Day!" the young man at the counter chirped automatically as the door opened.

"Hello, Sai-kun," Hinata greeted timidly, breathing in the fresh smell of flowers appreciatively.

"Oh, hello, Loudmouth!" Sai smiled cheerfully at his friend on recognizing her. "What are you doing here? Buying something for your hubby?"

Hinata blushed. "N-no, of course not... I actually wondered if you could do a Valentine's Day commission for a friend of mine... I know I'm not giving you much notice, and I know you're busy this time of year, but..."

"I'd be glad to. I like getting commissions."

Hinata handed him some papers. "I've been co-writing a story with someone."

"Matchmaker Matchmaker and Make Me a Match," Sai nodded. "Ino and Shikamaru have been reading them... actually, a lot of other people have been reading them, too, judging by the number of reviews."

"Yeah, actually... well, these are the character sketches for Youko and Kenta... I was wondering if you could draw them..."

"For Valentine's Day? Do you want them kissing or anything?" Sai continued to smile, but he sounded puzzled.

"Oh, no... they don't like each other at all."

"That's what I thought. An unusual Valentine's Day commission..." Sai's smile grew wider. "This'll be fun."

* * *

"Hey," Kankuro interrupted his cousin-in-law's email-checking, "Neji, um.."

"Give me a second! Between you and Hinata I practically have to trek out to Gai-the-Eyebrow's house just to check my email."

"Oh, I don't need online, I just wondered should... am I supposed to get Hinata anything for Valentine's Day?"

Neji snorted, either at Kankuro or the card with dancing monkeys that Tenten had sent him. "It's your call, but I wouldn't waste my money. You can bet she didn't get you anything."

"She'd just freak out if you bought her something," Hanabi said matter-of-factly. "Hey, Neji, can I–,"

"NO! It's my turn. Tell your dad we need another computer."

"Buy one yourself."

"I'm saving up my money to rent an apartment so that I don't have to have this conversation with you ever again."

* * *

Kankuro awoke on February 14th to the sound of his parents-in-law arguing. He heard a dish break and decided he had better wake up now and get some breakfast before it was too violent to venture into the kitchen. He got dressed quickly, but not so quickly that he forgot to paint his face up carefully before he left the room.

Hinata woke up sometime while he was doing this, so he smiled at her as amiably as he could manage. "Happy Valentine's Day."

Her eyes widened and she pressed into the bed (it was her night to have it) as though trying to back away from him. "Um... yeah," she agreed in a frightened little squeak. Kankuro sighed and went to get his Lucky Charms.

As he had predicted, Hinata's mother and father were arguing in the kitchen.

"Like you have any idea what I'm thinking or feeling, you emotionless—," her mother suddenly noticed Kankuro in the doorway. "— handsome person..."

"And now you're mocking me. Real mature, you selfish cu—," Hiashi also suddenly noticed Kankuro. "–untry music loving lady... Hello, Kankuro!"

Kankuro smiled and slowly poured himself a bowl of cereal, being careful not to make any sudden movements, or turn his back on the couple. He inched back out of the room and then made a break for the porch.

"Nice cover," Hinata's mother remarked to her husband.

"You, too."

Within minutes they were arguing again.

* * *

Hanabi and Neji were also awake, sitting on the porch eating bagels.

"Morning, Kan-kun," Hanabi greeted brightly.

"Hi."

"What's the matter?"

"He's afraid that he and Hinata are going to end up like your parents," Neji explained simply, then turned to Kankuro. "Don't worry about that, though, because Hinata is never going to stand up for herself. So whatever you two do, it won't be argue."

Kankuro sighed.

"_I have needs, you know!"_ someone inside the house yelled.

"_And how am I not addressing those needs?"_

"_How can you even ask that?"_

There was a lull in the shouting, followed by a small gasp.

Kankuro's lip curled. "Are... they—,"

Hinata's mother stepped outside, her cheeks a little flushed, and a bright, probably forced, smile on her face. "Here's fifty bucks," she handed Hanabi some money. "You kids go see yourselves a Star War."

"...ew?" Kankuro said after she had been gone a moment.

"Even my aunt and uncle have their off days when they can stand each other," Neji shrugged, nodding over at Hanabi as if to say, 'see exhibit A over there'. "Don't think too hard about it. Hey, Midget, go wake up your sister and see if she wants to come with us."

Hanabi shrugged and walked off, and Neji lowered his voice, "Hey, Kankuro, look, there's this website, XxpuppetmasterxX's Ultimate–,"

Kankuro smiled. "Yeah, I know the one."

"Well, if you ever need some time... _alone_ on the computer, you can always go down to Gai's. I'll give you my password... nobody'll bother you."

"Thanks."

"Well, I feel bad... You seem like a good guy, and Hinata's not really—,"

"Not really what, Nii-san?" Hinata asked.

"Somebody that anybody in his right mind would marry," Neji finished, cleaning up the phrase he was going to use only because Hanabi had come back on the scene.

Hinata bowed her head a little. "Well, I'm going to hang out with Kiba and Shino... you guys have fun."

"Bye," Kankuro said. Hinata turned red and power-walked away without looking at him.

"Don't mind her," Hanabi shrugged. "You coming?"

"Actually, I think I'll stay here, have the computer to myself."

Neji winked at him. "My iPod's on my dresser. Turn the sound all the way up," he advised.

* * *

LilMzSunshine had sent him a link to a DeviantArt deviation by the famous MonkeySaiMonkeyDo.

It was a painting of a young man and woman attached at the ring-finger by what looked like a chakra thread. Both were trying to pull away from each other and glaring at each other, annoyed.

Artist's Notes

_Another Valentine's Day commission. This one is from LilMzSunshine to her hopeless crush XxpuppetmasterxX, who's got a lot more balls than her current husband._

_For those of you not following the latest online fiction scene, these two have been writing companion stories, Matchmaker, Matchmaker (link) and Make Me a Match (link) about a couple in an arranged marriage who hate one another._

_So, this is a pic of the two main characters, Youko and Kenta. I had a lot of fun doing this one, because there are only so many kissing scenes you can do before it starts to get repetitive. The homicidal V-day card was a nice break._

_It was also a little challenging, because each story is told from a different point of view, so sometimes Youko is a poor young girl and Kenta is a dickless ass, and other times Kenta is a confused teen and Youko's a heartless bitch. I've read both the stories now, and I'm not sure which character's my favorite._

_Medium: Colored ink on canvas_

_Characters (c) LilMzSunshine and XxpuppetmasterxX_

Kankuro finished the notes and scrolled up once more. So, this was what Sunshine and her husband looked like... (not entirely true; LilMzSunshine had changed her appearance slightly for the story). Youko was very pretty, but this wasn't a surprise; he had pictured her often enough. It was Kenta that surprised him. The man Sunshine had married (or the character based off him) was... well, he was handsome. He was muscular, with well-shaped features and comely, slightly tousled brown hair. He looked like a bishounen's masculine older brother.

Neji's iPod picked this moment to change to a quiet song, and Kankuro quickly looked down to turn the sound up, and caught a glimpse of his own reflection on the screen. Suddenly more unhappy than he had been since his wedding, he compared it to the picture on the computer.

Kankuro didn't consider himself at all handsome. He thought his face looked awkward, like someone had photoshopped his father's face onto a body too large for it. The rest of his family was slight and wiry; he was huge and clumsy next to them. His father said that he had just picked up more genes from his mother's side of the family, but one look at his mother's picture told him that his nose was still unaccounted for.

His nose was his least favorite feature, and that was a competitive category. It was like this huge growth taking over his face. He was hopelessly self-conscious about it, and covered it up with his kabuki paint whenever he left his room, even back home. The way he figured it, even if the makeup failed to detract attention from his enormous snoz, people would at least assume that the paint's design was what made it appear so huge.

He supposed Hinata knew the truth, though. He didn't sleep in his face paint. No wonder she didn't like to look at him.

He turned his attention back to Kenta and his perfectly formed bishie nose. Sunshine complained about her husband all the time, of course, but never about his looks. _Well, he's got one thing I don't,_ Kankuro thought. _Actually, two. Looks and Sunshine._

Kankuro was jealous. It was stupid of him, he knew, since he and LilMzSunshine were never even going to meet, and anyway they were married. But still.

He left a comment, added the picture to his favorites, and (somewhat masochistically) looked at it again. It really was a great picture. The expression were priceless, the brush strokes perfect. It was a wonderful Valentine's Day gift. He wondered if MonkeySaiMonkeyDo was serious about Sunshine having a 'hopeless crush' on him. He kind of hoped he was. He also wondered what he could do for Sunshine to top this.

* * *

Kankuro was in the process of re-writing his email to LilMzSunshine for the third time in a desperate attempt to tell her how he felt without coming across as a creepy internet stalker, when Hinata slipped into the room. He risked taking his headphones off to say hello. "Do you need the computer?"

Hinata jumped as though startled, bowed her head to avoid eye-contact, grabbed a movie off the top of the TV, and ran out, barely stuttering, "No, th-thank you". Kankuro put his headphones back on and deleted the message he had been writing.

* * *

Email

From: XxpuppetmasterxX To: LilMzSunshine

Subject: V-Day Angst

Sunshine,

I lied to you in my last email. I did have an ideal Mrs Right. You see (you're right, it's hard to explain to somebody who doesn't know them), my family is a lot more... infamous than me. Everybody knows all about them, and they only know me through them. And the worst part is, everybody's afraid of my family, so they're all afraid of me as a result. And, well, I'm not very good at changing their minds.

I've got a sick sense of humor, and I spend all my time with my puppets. I don't know if you've ever seen one, but they're not real turn-ons. I love mine, but I admit they don't help me out on the social scene.

And I just look creepy. At least everyone else in my family looks like they might be normal, when you first see them. But not me. I'm ugly and intimidating; I'm big and awkward, my hair looks like what you'd get if a steel wool factory had a fatal accident, and my nose is this gigantic ugly tumor in the middle of my face. I might very well be the nicest person in my family, but nobody's brave enough to talk to me, so nobody ever finds out.

I've never had many friends, just a few casual acquaintances now and then (the odd girlfriend on the rebound from someone attractive...), and I guess what I really wanted was a wife who could see through my family and my looks and my creepiness and get to know me. You want someone who doesn't frighten you; I want someone who isn't frightened _of_ me. And I guess we're both screwed; my wife is afraid to be in the same room as me.

I don't blame her, really. She's really beautiful, and kind and sweet to everybody (well, except me). She's almost like a fairy tale princess or something. I bet before I turned up she had nine boyfriends, all of them utterly perfect for her. And now she's married to creepy ogre me, who hates her. She's right not to like me. I'm no match for her.

I suppose I could have just summed this up by saying: My Valentine's Day sucked except for your present. I'd go insane without you.

(_Kankuro thought for a moment, then continued typing_.)

Love you, – XxpuppetmasterxX

PS: check your Gaia. You still use it, right?

* * *

Email

From: LilMzSunshine To: XxpuppetmasterxX

Subject: Re: V-Day Angst

Puppy,

My Valentine's Day sucked too, except for your letter. All my friends have boyfriends/girlfriends, so I hung out at a teammate's house with them and their dates. Whoo, fun.

I do still use my Gaia, but, like I said, I'm at a friend's house on a slow computer. I'll check when I get home, though. XD

Don't feel so bad about yourself. I know what it's like to be judged by your family, and I also know that you're not creepy at all. If your wife can't see how lucky she is to have you, then she's a shallow little princess (I don't mean that in a good way.) Anybody would be lucky to have a guy like you.

I know how you feel, though. My husband is really handsome, too. I'd actually rather he wasn't. It just makes me nervous. I'm like you, I'm not pretty at all. I'm very, very pale, and when I blush (and I blush a lot, you have no idea), it makes me look like I have a fever. I'm way short, so my breasts look out of proportion on me. My hair is too shiny for its own good. It looks like a wig. I wear eyeshadow every time I leave my room, but I might as well flush the makeup down the toilet, for all the good it does me, because I have eyes like a corpse. I just hate it, I married a guy who's way out of my league. He must want to kill himself every time he looks at me.

I don't think that I would be afraid of you, no matter how scary you look. XD I wish we were married. – Sunshine

* * *

Email

From: XxpuppetmasterxX To: LilMzSunshine

Subject: Proposal

But we are! Or, did you mean, to each other? xoxo – puppy

* * *

When Hinata got home, she rushed to check her Gaia, and found that someone had sent her a gift.

"Sis? Can I check my Gai–," Hanabi gasped. "–a. Hinata... where did you get that Angelic Halo?"

Hinata looked at her recently-updated avatar. "Oh, that," she checked over her shoulder for Kankuro, but didn't see him. "XxpuppetmasterxX gave it to me. Isn't it cute?"

"He GAVE it to you? Just... as a **gift**?"

"Yeah, it came in a little box. For Valentine's Day."

"Do you have _any_ _idea_ how much that cost him? Angelic Halos are the rarest item on Gaia!" Hanabi was a Gaia fanatic. She periodically pressured her cousin and sister into buying donation items for her with their pay-pals.

Hinata sighed dreamily and logged off so her sister could check her own account. A few minutes later, she heard an ecstatic cry of joy. "HINATA!"

"What?"

Hanabi pointed to the screen. "He bought me a Kitsune Mask! I've had that thing on my Wish List for ages!"

"Who?"

"Your boyfriend! Look, read the note,"

_Hey, I'm a friend of LilMzSunshine's... so I don't suppose you could let her know how nice I'm being to her little cousin, could you?_

"Little cousin?" Hanabi asked.

"I tell people that I'm an only child and you're Neji's sister."

"Thanks, sis. Thanks. So, is this guy single?"

"Nah, he's married."

"The lucky, lucky woman. And her lucky lucky little sister."

Hinata sighed.

* * *

A/N: Happy Nowhere Near Valentine's Day!

I drew the picture that Hinata commissioned. It's not the brilliant work of art that Sai paints, but it's ok. I'll put a link to it on my profile... and if anybody ever wants to illustrate something from one of my stories, I'd love you forever...


	7. The In Laws Again

XxpuppetmasterxX and LilMzSunshine

Chapter 7: The In-Laws Again

A/N: _No Exit _is an existential (European emo philosophy) play by Sartre, where the quote "hell is other people" comes from.

Element-girls and Arafaxdeep20 have done illustrations for this fic on deviantArt. The links are on my profile; go check them out after the show!

* * *

_I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married. – Lewis Grizzard_

* * *

Email

From: LilMzSunshine To: XxpuppetmasterxX

Subject: Vacation, all I ever wanted

Puppy;

I might not be online for a week or so... I'm going to go 'bond' with my in-laws... who, by the way, are all crazy. I know, because my dad gets along real well with my father-in-law, and that doesn't bode well. Anyway, doesn't look like I'll have time to type, just lots of material... you'll know when I get back, because I'll have a six-chapter update or something.

Chu

—Sunny

* * *

"I haven't started packing yet, and we leave tomorrow morning," Hinata sighed to Shikamaru as they sat next to the river. "I really don't want to go... I can't go that long without writing."

"Get a notebook," Shikamaru shrugged.

"But what if they look inside?" she squeaked. Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

"They won't read your diary... hide it in your suitcase or something."

"But– but–,"

"Take a deep breath, Hinata. You make too much out of stuff. Anyway, isn't Neji going with you or something?"

"Neji's already called dibs on the computer while I'm gone... Hanabi's pissed, but she can't do anything about it, because Neji is Dad's favorite kid, because he's not actually his kid and that makes him more specialer than us."

Shikamaru shook his head. "There's so much I don't understand about large family dynamics... They're just sending you out into the desert? I thought they tried to keep you kinda protected or something like that."

"Sometimes I think it's more that they don't want everyone to find out what a wimp I am..." Hinata sighed. "But their logic is that Kankuro's going to be with me, and since he married me against both our wills, he will therefore give his life to protect me in the event of an emergency."

"That... doesn't make any sense."

"It's more plausible than Neji coming to my rescue."

"I thought he was all 'centered' and didn't hate you guys anymore," Shikamaru said. Hinata laughed.

"He doesn't _actively_ hate any of us... actually, I think he even likes me and Hanabi, but he's still really passive-aggressive, and there's no guarantee that his Anti-Main-House reflex won't kick in if I'm in danger."

Shikamaru blinked. Any other kid in Konoha would have told you that Neji absolutely loved his little cousins. But then, any other kid in Konoha didn't know him as well as Hinata.

"...you have fun, then."

* * *

"You know, I bet Kankuro can make it to Suna on his own," Hinata told her father timidly as she and her husband of longer-than-she-liked-to-think were trying to pack last-minute. "He'd probably move faster without me."

"Think, you're making sure he doesn't overexert himself in his rush to get back to his family and the hell away from us."

Hinata watched her father for a moment, trying to decide if he was joking.

"You need to go with him to make sure he comes back," Neji explained from where he was lying on the floor reading _No Exit_. "Otherwise he'll just stay in Suna and we'll have to get you a new guy, which is an even bigger hassle the second time around."

"It's like taking a pet dog for a walk," Hinata's mother told her. "Except you don't have to pick up after him."

"I'd rather have the dog," Hinata said.

"Trust me, kid, I hear ya," her mother said, whacking her husband with magazine. (Why? Because he was _there_.)

* * *

And so Hinata and Kankuro set out to visit with Kankuro's family.

"So... we'll be arriving on your birthday?" Hinata asked shyly from across the campfire the first night.

"Yeah, if nothing screws up," he replied gruffly, watching his hotdog over the flames. He didn't feel like looking at his wife tonight. Or ever, really, but tonight was bad. He was going home, he was finally going to see his family again, and she has to tag along.

"It's hard to believe we've been married over three months," Hinata ventured again. She was trying to start a conversation with him and take advantage of this opportunity to get to know him. She really was. Because no matter what she thought of him, she really didn't want to spend the entire journey in complete silence. "Time sure flies when you're having fun, I guess," she giggled nervously.

"You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to," Kankuro snapped at her, pulling his dinner out of the fire. "So far as I'm concerned you aren't even on this trip with me; we just happen to be traveling in the same direction."

Hinata sighed and unrolled her bedroll. Nobody could say she didn't try. "Looks like we're both on the floor tonight," she whispered to herself, smiling. She wished that Kankuro had heard her, and that he had smiled, too, and that they could at least get along based on their common hatred for their situation. But it didn't look like things were headed that way, and she needed to get plenty of sleep; tomorrow looked like a long, silent day.

* * *

"KANKURO!!" Temari spotted her brother approaching and literally jumped out of her window to latch onto him before he could get to the front door. "You're home!"

"I'm home, sis," Kankuro laughed, pulling his sister into a bear hug and picking her up off the ground a little.

"I missed you so much!" Temari exclaimed, kissing his face until she was smeared with face paint.

Hinata stood awkwardly off to the side, feeling confused and alone. Not only was this a condition that Hinata was used to, it was one that didn't last long, because Gaara had ambled out to meet his brother in much less of a hurry than Temari, and when he found that Kankuro had been monopolized by her, he turned to Hinata.

"It's good to see you again, sister," he said.

Hinata fidgeted with her fingers and blushed. "It's good to see you, too... Ga– little brother."

Gaara smiled. He liked his siblings, and he liked that he had a new one now. "How was your trip? Are you tired?"

"Oh, no, I'm fine," Hinata said politely, although really she was dying to take a nap. She figured that she would end up in the same room with Kankuro, and she was in no hurry to spend any more time with him.

"Don't be silly," Temari said, moving from Kankuro to his wife and hugging her with only slightly less exuberance. "You've had a long trip, I bet you're dying."

"She's fine, 'Mari," Kankuro said irritably, annoyed by the attention Hinata was receiving from the two others. "She's a ninja too, you know, she's perfectly capable of walking a couple of days without fainting."

"Oh, shush, you," Temari said, stroking her sister-in-law's cheek. "She isn't used to hiking through the desert, and anyway, anybody would want to rest up after a long trip, whether they're in danger of fainting or not. Come on, Hinata," she said, dragging the girl a few feet closer to the house before turning around. "You're invited inside, too, Kankuro."

"I wasn't waiting for an invitation!" Kankuro yelled back. "What's wrong with her?" he asked Gaara.

"Nothing, she's just being nice... what's wrong with _you_?"

"I just wanted to spend time with you guys... not _her_," Kankuro sighed. "C'mere, give me a hug," he ordered, grabbing Gaara. "I missed you, baby brother."

"We missed you, too, Kankuro-nii-san... but I hope you don't turn this into some power-struggle with her... it's not her fault that you've got a girlfriend online."

Kankuro sighed and squeezed his brother tighter. "Where's Dad?"

"Working on some typical crap," Gaara shrugged. "But I don't see why you're changing the subject. I mean, I've been to the PuppyXSunny community on LiveJournal, it's not like we don't know about it."

"I just don't want to talk about it, ok? All I want to do is spend time with you guys without talking about how my love life is over-complicated and nonexistent at the same time."

Gaara only cuddled against his brother's chest as a response. "All right, if you insist. Come on, let's go bother 'Mari and Dad."

So, the two headed back into the house, Kankuro falling a bit behind as he picked up the backpack he had been carrying.

"Wait, we're an LJ _community_?"

* * *

"Daddy, where's Hinata sleeping again?" Temari asked, bursting into her father's office casually. She was the only one of the Sand Sibs who got away with this. She was also the only one who had ever tried it.

"Who?"

"Kankuro's wife. Your daughter-in-law. You know, if you ever left this study, you might know that your oldest son is back home. And in case you didn't notice, he HAS been missing for three months. Ever since you sold him to Clan Hereditary Insanity."

"All right, all right, I understand that you're upset with me, Tamarao," the Kazekage sighed impatiently.

"TEMARI!"

"Right, you. I know that you're upset, but your brother had to grow up sometime. Getting married is part of life,"

"Only in back-ass-wards societies like ours," Temari muttered. "But I don't want to get into that now. Where's Hinata supposed to sleep?"

"In Kankuro's room, of course."

"... So where's Kankuro supposed to sleep, then?"

"In his room, of course."

Temari glared at her father. "What is _wrong_ with you? You're not going to make those poor kids share a room!"

"They'll have plenty of space," The Kazekage looked up to see his daughter's angry expression. "They're _married_, Temari. Married couples usually sleep in the same bed, you know."

"I hardly call that travesty of a diplomatic arrangement a marriage," Temari muttered. "And I would never call Kankuro and Hinata a couple."

"What you call them doesn't really matter, because they're sharing a room. End of story."

* * *

"Here, Hinata, you can sleep here," Temari said, throwing open a door. Hinata inched into the room uncertainly, looking around at the fake plants and dried flowers lining the walls. "Well, what do you think?"

"It's... well," Hinata tapped her fingers together. "I didn't know Ka-ka-kankuro-kun liked plants so much..."

Temari laughed. "This is my room, honey."

"O-oh. It's very pretty,"

"I'm into botany, on the side," Temari explained, throwing her sister-in-law's bag onto the bed. "But it's kind of a difficult hobby to have out here... plus I'm not much of a green-thumb, so I do this instead."

"Oh... th-that's really interesting, Temari-san,"

"Thanks. Here, I'll leave you alone so you can sleep a little. Oh, and," Temari turned, hanging off the doorframe. "My father... thinks that you and Kankuro are sleeping in his room, so don't make a big deal out of staying here, if you don't mind."

"I- I don't want you to get in trouble on my account."

"Don't be ridiculous! I'll be fine, even if he does find out, he won't yell at you, so don't worry. I don't think he realizes that you two don't have the most physical relationship," she winked. Hinata, quite naturally, blushed.

"I- well, we– uh,"

"Don't worry, I'm not one to judge. Do you want me to wake you up for cake? (Don't worry, it's store-bought... we didn't want to poison Kan-kun on his birthday.)"

"Oh, um... th-thank you."

Temari smiled. "Of course. Have a nice nap!"

* * *

When Hinata woke up it was dark outside. She rubbed her eyes tiredly, feeling guilty and awkward for sleeping so long in that way that only house guests can feel guilty and awkward. She blinked blearily at the moonlight shining in through the window and wondered what time it was.

"You're awake, I see."

"AH!" Hinata eeped and turned quickly, holding her hands up between her and pale half-illuminated face grinning at her from next to the bed.

Gaara smiled more broadly and leaned closer to her so that his face was completely revealed. "'Mari was right, you were tired."

Hinata kept taking deep breaths, trying to get her heart-rate back to normal. "I- I-I'm sorry... I didn't mean to..."

Gaara's heart squee'd a little. She was SO adorable. "It's ok. Here," he handed her a plate off of the bedside table. "We didn't want to wake you up, so we saved you some cake."

Her hands shaking from her scare, Hinata took the offered cake with a slight nod. "Th-th-thank you, Ga-gaara-kun."

Gaara smiled to himself as she ate. He could tell that she was really uncomfortable, and curious as to why he was in her room in the first place, and also that she was too afraid of him to ask. It made him very happy.

He had been watching her sleep. He liked watching people sleep in general, because, in Kankuro's words, 'he was a creep', and he was very happy to be able to watch his cute little sister-in-law slumbering. She was so innocent-looking.

He told Kankuro as much after he had vanished mysteriously from Hinata's room, probably further scaring her.

"You're lucky to share a room with her," he said simply. Kankuro, suspecting sarcasm, had simply glared at him, but Temari's head shot up.

"Gaara, what were you doing?"

"Nothing, I was just watching her. She looks so peaceful when she sleeps... do you stay up and watch her sometimes, Nii-san?"

"Gaara, you're a creep," Kankuro muttered.

"Well? Do you?"

"Of course not! I don't even want to look at her when she's awake!"

"Would you watch LilMzSunshine sleep?" Gaara asked blandly.

"GAARA!" Temari snapped. "Don't bug Kan-kun about that."

"It's ok, Temari, if he wants to be a weirdo... Yes, Gaara, I would love to watch Sunny fall asleep. I have elaborate fantasies wherein I get to watch her sleeping. Happy?"

Gaara nodded, looking vindicated. "Then why am I a creep?"

"Because, you have to be some kind of freak to think Hinata's worth watching."

"...Kankuro," Temari said uneasily. "Don't be so harsh."

"I mean it, she's not worth the effort of focusing your eyes."

"She's a very sweet girl, Kankuro," Temari said seriously. "And... I don't think you should be so caught up in this... romance with LilMzSunshine. I mean, you're married... you need to start living in the real world. You can't keep being so cruel to Hinata just because she isn't who you would have picked. She's a sensitive girl, and her life sucks, the least you could do is treat her well."

"Yeah, because she's _so_ nice to me," Kankuro snarled sarcastically. "It's not like I go out of my way to pick on her or anything! I leave her alone and she leaves me alone, and it's working just fine. If she wants someone to treat her well, she can find herself a boyfriend. I don't care. In fact, I wish she would."

"You really aren't fair to her, Kankuro," Gaara said. Kankuro decided that was the last straw, and stood up and walked out of the room.

* * *

Kankuro was in a sour mood when he and Hinata returned to Konoha. He wasn't angry with Temari and Gaara exactly, just disappointed and jealous. Ok, maybe he was a little angry. He wanted Sunny to be home from her trip so he could talk to her again. Now he really knew what she meant when she talked about how much her family loved Mr. Sunshine. Everybody seemed to love Hinata. He felt like the only sane one left in the world.

He was brooding over how Gaara had followed Hinata around the whole week, and how Temari had kissed her goodbye like she was her sister, not just some woman that her brother had to live with, as Hinata pushed open the front door slowly.

"Um... I'm home?" she said modestly. Kankuro rolled his eyes.

"Come on, Neji, let me check my Gaia, please? PLEASE?"

"No. Wait your turn."

"Come on, you've been on all week!"

"I called dibs, it's only fair."

"Fair? Your eyes are red! You look like a freakin' Uchiha, please please please,"

"Hi, Neji, hi, sis!" Hinata said hopefully, moving into the room that contained the computer. Neji briefly glanced over his shoulder and went back to his chatroom. Hanabi slammed her head against the wall.

"Aw, _man_, now I'm never gonna get a chance."

"Oh, hey, Hinata," Neji continued typing. "Your mom wondered if you could heat up a frozen lasagna for dinner or something. She's out and I'm not allowed to use the microwave after that what I did to those Hot Pockets."

"Yeah, where is Mom?"

"Damned if I know. Hey, Kankuro, how's your family doing?"

Kankuro smiled. "They're doing good... It was good to see them."

"But I'm glad you're back!" Hanabi exclaimed, giving up any claim she had to the computer and throwing her arms around his middle. "We missed you."

Hinata sighed and decided to throw her suitcase into her bedroom.

* * *

Email

From: XxpuppetmasterxX To: LilMzSunshine

Subject: How do you DO it?

Arg, my family is completely enamored of my wife... How do you deal with that?

The only consolation I have is that her own family seems to pretty much ignore her. Is that mean of me? I mean, she has friends and stuff... her family's just... evil.

How are your in-laws? Are you even back yet? Are they madly in love with you, excluding your husband from his own family?

* * *

From: LilMzSunshine To: XxpuppetmasterxX

Subject: Re: How do you DO it?

My in-laws are... nice... Ok, so I think my sister-in-law was coming onto me, and don't get me started about the other one... He was following me around the whole time, telling me all my husband's good points, like he was trying to set us up or something... he's creepy.

I do feel a little sorry for your wife... I mean, it was SO nice to get back home and see my cousins and my parents again... I miss them when I'm on long trips, 'cause I'm a baby. But don't feel too bad for her. I mean, I bet that your family wasn't molesting her, so she's not half as traumatized as you were.

Haha, at least we have each other... sort-of.

* * *

Email (Compound Email)

From: LilMzSunshine To: XxpuppetmasterxX

Subject: Re: Can't take this anymore

**XxpuppetmasterxX Wrote:**

I've got to have you, Sunny... I'm going to sneak over to your house and murder Mr. Sunshine, then carry you away into the sunset.

**LilMzSunshine Wrote:**

XD Please, do! But what about the Puppet Mistress? Are you going to kill her?

**XxpuppetmasterxX Wrote:**

Hadn't thought about that... maybe you should... I'm not sure I've got the heart to kill the woman who inspired Youko.

**LilMzSunshine Wrote:**

Here's what we'll do; I'll hire an assassin to kill the Puppet Mistress, and then once she's dead, you can escape and killed Mr. Sunshine, and _then_ we'll ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.


	8. Deja vu All Over Again

XxpuppetmasterxX and LilMzSunshine

Chapter 8: Deja-vu All Over Again

A/N: Wherein I get to make fun of one of my very favorite Naruto subplots. Not that I don't anyway.

Um... I assume that you have a basic grasp of how Neji's father died for this chapter... but I think that you must, or you wouldn't have gotten through the first chapter.

There's profanity... but it's not graphic, so I think I should be ok, rating-wise.

* * *

_For the upper middle class, marriage is the only adventure left._

* * *

Kankuro smiled at the email Sunshine had sent him. There were days when he knew he was capable of killing her husband with his bare hands. The dumb bastard. He wondered if she was joking when she said she wanted to run away with him. That was the problem with email; there wasn't much way to tell when someone was serious. Not that it really mattered, because it wasn't like they were really going to _elope_ or anything.

"Whatever, Neji, I could kill someone if I wanted to!"

Kankuro glanced over his shoulder as Hinata and Neji walked by, arguing.

"Keep telling yourself that, dear. Anyway, I'm sure that there are medic ninjas that don't kill people... oh, wait, to be a medic you have to be able to look at a shirtless man without fainting."

"Oh, I'm the weak one? How many notches do _you_ have?"

"I've never had the opportunity," Neji said haughtily. "I would have no trouble taking a life if the situation arose."

"Some jounin you are."

"Yeah, some Hyuuga _you_ are."

"Thanks, Mr. No-kills."

Hanabi appeared suddenly next to Kankuro's elbow. "This argument's going nowhere... Can I check my Gaia?"

"Hmm? Yeah, sure," Kankuro said, relinquishing the computer. He instead retreated to the room he and Hinata shared. He had long ago given up hope of keeping the computer while he was actually writing, so he had taken to scribbling down his updates in a cheap one-subject notebook. So now he retrieved it from inside one of his puppets, sat down on the bed, and started writing.

"I bet I can kill someone before you do."

"Sis, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard you say... you're gonna end up like Tsunade-sama if you keep stuff like this up."

"Shut up, Hanabi, this doesn't involve you. You're on, Hinata."

The irony that Hinata and Neji were talking about her ability to kill someone while he was contemplating LilMzSunshine battling her didn't really occur to Kankuro.

But, of course, he didn't know that the argument had begun when Hinata had mentioned killing the wife of her online lover.

"You're joking, of course."

"Well, yeah. Wait, what do you mean, 'of course'? I COULD kill her if I had the chance."

"Aw, Hinata, you're so cute when you're being naive."

"Whatever, Neji, I could kill someone if I wanted to!"

* * *

Kankuro was asleep when Hinata crept into the room and lay down on the pile of blankets they used as a spare sleeping space. Life was relatively good right now, she decided right before falling asleep. Even if she wished that XxpuppetmasterxX would show up in the middle of the night and kidnap her.

She awoke very late at night to find someone standing with one foot on her chest. Whoever it was seemed to realize that it had stepped on something, so it kicked her out of the way and found a firmer footing on the blanket inches in front of her face.

* * *

Kankuro woke up at about the same time because someone was groping around for him in the darkness. It was... uncomfortable. Especially when a small and fortunate sliver of moonlight struck the blade of the knife that this someone was holding.

Their free hand had found his throat, and was holding it as the knife moved closer to it. Kankuro was trapped. If only he could get his arms free from the sheet around them he would be able to grapple, but the knife was too close, if he moved, it would only move faster...

* * *

Hinata gulped and slowly moved her hand under the bed next to her. Something wasn't right... Her hand found the kunai she kept stashed there for just these occasions of mortal danger, and she curled her arm back slowly, until the weapon was positioned in the small space between the ankle and her cheek. She inched her face back as much as she dared to, and slashed the blade through tendon with all the strength she could manage.

It worked; she felt her weapon scrape against bone and heard the man scream.

* * *

The man released Kankuro's neck and dropped with a blood-curdling scream. He quickly disentangled himself and leaned over the edge of the bed to see, dimly, Hinata wrestling the man to the ground. He could see something metallic and probably quite sharp flash a few times, and then the larger shadow of the man fell still.

Hinata fumbled to her feet and flicked on the lights. "Y-you ok, Kankuro-kun?"

Kankuro's eyes darted to the bloody body on the floor, then to the bloody young woman standing at the door. "I– I'm all right, I guess. Are you ok?"

Hinata smiled shyly. Kankuro blinked. He was sure that it was just because his eyes hadn't adjusted, but he could have sworn that she _blushed_. "A few scrapes, but I'm all right. Thank you."

The couple both considered each other.

"So..."

"Um..."

* * *

Hinata tapped very quietly on her father's bedroom door. "Um... Daddy?" she whispered, pushing the door open a sliver. She heard an almost sentient grunt, and took this as a greeting. "I killed a man."

"... is it Kankuro?"

"Um, no, someone else."

"Oh... fine, I'll be right there."

* * *

Hinata returned to her room, where Kankuro was still sitting on the bed stunned.

"Well, I guess my father's coming... and maybe my mother, if we can wake her up."

"Ok," Kankuro nodded blankly and the two of them went back to waiting for the appearance of Hinata's parents. The overhead light was bizarrely bright in that way that lights seem to be very early in the morning, and it made the scene seem sterile and surreal, and therefore Kankuro decided that this wasn't actually happening.

"What do you mean, she _killed_ a man? Was it Kankuro? Because I don't think that's worth waking me up at three in the— OH MY GOD!"

For Hinata's mother had just walked into the room and seen the bloody corpse lying next to the bed.

"Oh my god! BABY!" she turned to her daughter and latched onto her, alternately hugging her and running her hands over her skin, looking for cuts. "Oh my god! Baby, baby, are you all right?"

Kankuro's head turned to the side curiously. He couldn't imagine his mother-in-law being affectionate, especially towards Hinata, who was clearly the least favorite of the three children that she and her husband were legally responsible for. At least, he had always assumed she was her least favorite.

"Hinata, you could have died!"

"I'm all right, mama, don't worry about me," Hinata whispered back as her mother kissed her.

"But I do worry, baby! Don't you ever ever ever die on me!"

Hinata's father, on the other hand, had taken one look at the body and muttered some explicative under his breath.

Kankuro was still blinking uncomprehendingly at the door, and, as if to make sure that he had something to look at, Hanabi and Neji walked in, wearing pajamas and not looking too alert.

"Why's mom yelling?" Hanabi asked, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "Did something happen?"

"This had better be good," Neji muttered. "I was having a dream where my family didn't suck."

"You were not," Hanabi muttered.

"Prove it," Neji drawled. "Ok, I give up. Why's there a dead guy on the floor?"

"I killed him," Hinata explained, twisting a hand free from her mother's grasp and holding it out as if expecting money. Neji blinked at her.

"You owe me money... our bet, remember?" she prompted.

"I don't have it on me right now!" he cried. "I didn't think you were going to kill anyone _tonight_! Damn, talk about competitive... So, what village is the stiff from?"

"Stiff doesn't seem quite appropriate," Hanabi mused. This was her first dead body. "More like the Warm-and-Bloody."

"Don't be so literal," Neji said, sidling over to her. "Say, Hanabi do you still keep your money in your sock drawer?"

"Dad! Neji's trying to steal my money so he can pay off a bet that he lost!"

"Not now, Hanabi," Hiashi snapped tensely, nudging the body with his slipper.

"You always take his side," she muttered sullenly.

"I'm not 'taking his side', I just don't want to deal with it right now, ok?" he said, gingerly turning the body's head.

"If he's from Cloud, I'm gonna have an aneurism," Neji muttered sarcastically, seconds before Hiashi flipped the corpse over so that the assembled Hyuugas and Kankuro could see Cloud's insignia clearly etched in on the body's headband.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," Neji and Kankuro muttered in unison.

"Oh boy," Hinata's mother sighed. "Not again."

"...did I screw up?" Hinata asked anxiously. "I– I didn't see—,"

"There wasn't anything else you could have done, Sweetheart," her mother assured her, although she looked unusually grim.

Hanabi was watching the scene unfold with mildly-confused interest when Neji grabbed her by the back of her ducky pajamas. "Come on, we've got to go," he whispered, loudly enough for everyone to hear, dragging her out the door.

"Why?"

"Because I've been here before, and it doesn't end well for one of us."

"Shut up and stay where you are!" Hiashi snapped a them.

Neji froze. "Fuck."

"All right, now that I've got your attention... what are we going to do?"

"GIVE THEM NEJI!" Hanabi shouted, trying to edge behind her cousin. "He's an orphan and nobody likes him, nobody'll even notice he's missing!"

"No, throw them the midget!" Neji said, yanking Hanabi out from behind him and pushing her forward. "Her soul is fresher!"

"Stop it, you two! This is serious."

Hinata's mother bit the inside of her lip. "We're fucked, Hiashi."

"Don't I know it. Any ideas? Hinata?"

"Yeah, there's an idea!" Hanabi said brightly. "Give them Hinata!" Neji giggled and elbowed her for making him do anything as undignified as giggle.

The others ignored them. Hinata tapped her fingers together. "They're the ones breaking the treaty... I don't see why we should be the ones who get screwed," she whispered.

"Personally, I've never seen the problem with turning Uncle Hiashi in," Neji shrugged. "Show of hands, who would really be heartbroken over it?" Aside from an angry glare from his uncle, he received no response. "See, what did I tell you? If we'd done it 15 years ago, none of this would have happened, and this poor child molester would still be alive."

"He's not a child molester," Hinata said, pouting just a little. "Anyone breaking into my room in the middle of the night and mistakenly groping my husband is just plain a rapist. I am a woman, Neji!"

"Yeah, yeah, why haven't you and Kankuro ever–,"

"NEJI! HINATA! Shut the fuck up while I figure out how we can get out of this, preferably without throwing anyone to Cloud...again."

Hanabi tugged at Neji's pajama sleeve. "All right, I know this story ends with a dead branch that they figure no one will miss... so..." She formed a fist. Neji looked at her, puzzled.

"Should we report this to Hokage-sama?" Hinata asked, ignoring, like the rest of the family, her sister and cousin. "Maybe she'll know what to do..."

"If she's not too hung over," her mother muttered. "Frankly, we know more about dealing with this crap than she does. Anyway, it's best to have a game plan before you go bringing in outsiders who will try to tell you what to do."

"We can't let them get away with this twice in a row."

"As much as 15 years in between attacks can be considered 'in a row'."

"But..." Hinata whispered, "We need to tell somebody... right?"

"Rock Paper Scissors, Shoot!" Hanabi called.

"Paper covers Rock."

"Two out of three?"

The others ignored them. "Well, of course we need to tell somebody..." Hiashi muttered, looking very unhappy about the thought.

"Rock Paper Scissors, shoot!... Rock, Paper, Scissors, shoot!"

"If he didn't have any identifying information on him, it means he was acting on his own, outside of his village, so they can't make an incident out of it," Kankuro said. He knew, because as the son of the Kazekage, he learned useless legal and political information as a matter of course.

"But he IS wearing identifying information," Hiashi said, somewhat impatiently. It was three in the morning, there was a dead body in his daughter's bedroom, and two of the children he was legally responsible for were playing a game to decide who lives and who dies. "He's got his headband on and everything."

"Not after we take it off and get rid of it," Kankuro shrugged.

* * *

Email

From: LilMzSunshine To: XxpuppetmasterxX

Subject: What a night

Puppy,

Why am I writing to you at 4:30 in the morning? Well, it's a long story.

I had a little... adventure tonight. I'll give you the full details later, I just thought that I'd throw you a head's up; the story arch will be changing a little bit. I definitely want to put this into the next chapter... I hope it doesn't throw you off too much, but it's far too exciting to leave out.

My whole family's up right now... Except Mr. Sunshine, he's passed out on the couch (our bedroom is... under construction). I think he deals with stress a little differently than I do. My cousins are playing Soul Caliber to decide which one of them would be missed less if one was to mysteriously disappear. My mother just got done slapping bandages all over my limbs, and she and my father are both having a strong drink. Or twenty.

This leaves the computer to me! XD I'm having a sudden burst of inspiration, so I'm mostly typing. The next chapter will probably be posted before you wake up.

I'm sorry for the teaser-ish-ness of this, but I need to change some circumstances around what happened tonight, and I don't want to give out too much information before I've decided what to let leak. It's not that I don't trust you, but better safe than sorry, right?

Your secret ninja admirer,

Sunny


	9. Another Sleepless Night

XxpuppetmasterxX and LilMzSunshine

Chapter 9: Another Sleepless Night

A/N: Incest vibes make everything better! (Don't worry, they're just vibes, which translate into cute.)

* * *

_Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy._

* * *

The next day was worrisome for Kankuro, as he and Hinata were the ones subject to most of the questioning from the various authorities. He was too preoccupied even to be amused by the idea of his mother and father-in-law trying to answer questions after their nerve-calming scotches.

It was damn fortunate that this had happened before, and nobody questioned motives, because if they had asked if he had any enemies, he probably would have burst.

LilMzSunshine was from Cloud.

He had never wanted Hinata dead. He just didn't want to be married to her. He never would have dreamed that Sunshine was serious about sending an assassin. Had she known about what had happened fifteen years ago? Did she have any idea what would happen if they were caught? Who was the assassin? He knew Sunshine was wealthy, had she hired a stranger, or was it someone she knew? Her cousin? She mentioned him occasionally, Kankuro knew he was a competent ninja... one would have to be, to get the jump on him as the assassin had.

What was he supposed to do? Sunny had crossed the line between online banter and real life, and she had done it dangerously. And he had helped her. He was helping her even now, not revealing what he knew.

To take his mind off of it, he checked his email, and felt almost ill to find an email and an update from LilMzSunshine in his Inbox.

He skimmed the email, wanting to write back and tell her about his night... but he couldn't. Not to the person who had sent the killer... and even if she hadn't, if she found out what had _really_ happened, the Hyuugas... in fact, Konoha in general, would be in very, very big trouble.

Almost as a distraction, and certainly not with the eagerness with which he usually started an update of _Matchmaker Matchmaker_, Kankuro clicked on the link to the new chapter.

It seemed oddly familiar. Too familiar. At first he thought it was just coincidence, then that he was making similarities where there were none. But how many people have mysterious guests in the middle of the night on the same night? Then he wondered if LilMzSunshine was sending him a coded wink. "I know what happened last night... Better luck next time, huh?"

But that couldn't be it, because she couldn't possibly know what had happened, unless she had been there.

"Hey, Kankuro!" Hanabi called from where she was still glued to the gaming console. "You want to play Soul Caliber with me? Neji's getting burnt-out."

"I'm not burnt out! I'm just sick of playing with _you_," Neji objected. "If I wanted to, I could play this all night."

"Whatever, Neji. You'll be the first to die, and nobody'll miss you," Hanabi 'pft'ed. "Now pick a character all ready."

Kankuro looked back at the email LilMzSunshine had sent him. _My cousins are playing Soul Caliber to decide which one of them would be missed less if one was to mysteriously disappear._ _My mother just got done slapping bandages all over my limbs, _Kankuro turned to the couch where Hinata was sitting, drinking some chamomile tea and watching her sister and cousin fight. Her arms and cheeks were covered with band-aids, applied by her mother as soon as it came to light that the assassin had managed to cut her up a little before she defeated him.

Something wasn't right. Kankuro read back through LilMzSunshine's story, frowning. It had been published right after he had found out about his impending wedding... and took place on Youko's birthday, which was uncomfortably close to Hinata's. Her older cousin was Neji's age, her younger one, Hanabi's. She had an older sister-in-law and a younger brother-in-law, both of them eerily fond of her. Kankuro could remember Gaara following Hinata around... had he really been telling her everything to like about his brother?

He and LilMzSunshine had never been able to meet online because Hinata or Mr. Sunshine were always hogging the computer. They always just missed each other. They left town on the same day to go visit their families. They had been married at about the same time. Their stories coincided on almost every count. And he had put it down to Sunny adjusting to fit his updates...

_I wish we were married. – Sunshine_

_But we are! Or, did you mean, to each other? xoxo – puppy_

Kankuro looked over at Hinata, intently watching two women with physically-improbable bodies attack each other. He thought maybe Neji was winning. It was hard to tell.

"Hinata–," he said. She turned to him, her eyes widening, her shoulders hunching in, pulling her tea closer to her body.

"Y-yes?"

_I hate him. I hate my husband. _

_I just can't ever imagine feeling comfortable around him._

_Don't waste your sympathy on your husband, because he's a jerk. A complete bastard who doesn't deserve you._

Kankuro winced. He had shot himself in the foot, there. LilMzSunshine was so afraid of her husband... Hinata was LilMzSunshine. LilMzSunshine was afraid of _him_. She hated him, and there was nothing he could do about it. And if he told her what he had found out, who he really was, she would never even talk to him online. He could never tell her. He couldn't lose Sunny.

"Thanks for saving my life and all."

Hinata bowed her head and took another sip of tea. Hinata could make even tea-drinking look timid. "You're very welcome, K-Kankuro-kun."

Kankuro sighed heavily. His wife was beautiful, and witty, and insightful, and sweet, and supportive, and so afraid of him that she couldn't look him in the eye.

* * *

Neji was going to sleep. In fact, Neji _was_ asleep, as far as his family was concerned. He was in his bed, the lights were out, and he had every intention of falling asleep in the next five minutes. It had been a long, long day, preceded by a long, long night. And it wasn't really over, because they would be sorting out the ramifications of Hinata's little adventure for a long, long time. Plus he needed to come up with some money. It would be best for him to get a good night's sleep.

The door slid open and then slid back shut. Neji closed his eyes tighter and hoped it was just his aunt checking to make sure that he hadn't snuck out of the house to go drinking with Team Gai again. But no such luck.

"Can I sleep with you tonight, Nii-san?"

Neji winced as Hinata crawled into bed next to him without waiting for his answer. "Why did we bother to fix up the guest room for you, if you were just going to come here?" (Hinata's room was still covered with police tape).

Hinata sighed and wrapped her arms around Neji like he was a rather-unwilling teddy bear. "I didn't want to sleep alone tonight... I- I'm afraid I'll get nightmares."

"Didn't we get you a husband just so you wouldn't have this problem? Go spoon with him."

"Oh, Neji, don't be silly," she murmured.

Neji sighed resignedly and started playing with her hair. "You're really too old for this kind of thing."

"I know..."

"... Hey, Hinata, did you ever think that... maybe puppetmaster sent the assassin?"

"Why would he do something like that?"

"To kill Kankuro. You two were talking about that, right?"

Hinata laughed once. "Puppy wouldn't do something like that. We were just joking."

"How do you know he was?"

"You're being ridiculous. Of course he was just joking. He wouldn't hire an assassin to kill someone he met online."

"Maybe it is ridiculous, but..." Neji sighed and closed his eyes, deciding to go back to sleep. "I dunno, you're someone worth killing for."

He felt Hinata wiggle closer to him and rest her head on his chest. "Thanks, Nii-san."

"Don't thank me. It's a huge burden to be as sexy as the two of us are. Trust me."

"I should have married you."

"Don't be stupid."

"I wouldn't _sleep_ with you. We could just hang out and play Soul Caliber and cuddle. It would be a lot better."

"You're such a child sometimes," he sighed, twirling some of her hair around his finger. "You can't just spend the rest of your life playing house with your cousin like you're five."

"Why not? I wouldn't care if you had a mistress. You could still fool around with Ino."

"Baka..."

"What? I thought she liked you."

"That's not what I meant," Neji whispered. "Just go to sleep."

"Will you sing me a lullaby?" Hinata asked sleepily.

"No. Go to sleep."

"Please?"

Neji sighed. "Fine. Any requests?"

* * *

Once he was certain she was asleep, Neji very carefully shrugged her arms off and slid out of bed. He didn't really mind that she wanted to fall asleep with someone, but after traumatic experiences with Team Gai, Neji felt very strongly that he was entitled to his own bed. And he had no problem relocating his cousin in the middle of the night to make that happen.

* * *

Kankuro didn't sleep well that night. He felt so stupid. How had he not seen it the moment he saw that story posted? If only he had, they would have been so much happier. Why had he said all those things about Mr. Sunshine? He wasn't such a bad fellow, really. Even Sunshine said that she wasn't fair to him.

But she wasn't fair to him because she hated him. And there was nothing poor Mr. Sunshine could do to change that.

Still beating himself up mentally, he drifted into a less-than-restful sleep, and didn't wake up until he felt something press against his chest.

Kankuro's eyes shot open, and he reached for the kunai that he had (very wisely, he felt) decided to stash under his pillow in case of any more surprise night attacks. But he released it when his eyes adjusted and he realized that it was just Hinata sleeping next to him.

Possibly because he was tired and stressed, he didn't question how she had come to be there. All he knew was that they had never been so close together, and that it was a very bad night for them to set this record. He could see her chest rise and fall, feel her breath.

And he realized that Gaara was right. She was beautiful asleep. (Had he said beautiful? Of course he had... how could you not see that?)

"No fair, Sunny," he whispered. "You told me you were ugly."

There were a lot of thoughts, most of them pretty racy, going through Kankuro's head, but none of them were helpful for his situation, so, with a great deal of effort, he forced himself to go back to sleep.


	10. The Plan

XxpuppetmasterxX and LilMzSunshine

Chapter 10: The Plan

A/N: I'm sorry this is so late. I really love this story. Out of all the fics I've written, this is my favorite, and I would have liked to get this chapter out on time. Also, I split this last chapter up into two separate parts and an epilogue. This helps with the Writer's Block.

* * *

_Love is blind, and marriage is a real eye-opener._

* * *

The next morning, the entire Hyuuga household, as well as some of the nearby neighbors, were awakened to the sound of Hinata shrieking in terror.

"AIIIIIEEEEE!"

Kankuro felt his eardrums bursting. "SHUT THE HELL UP!" he shrieked back, shrinking away from the girl screaming into his ear.

"AIIIIEEEE!"

Kankuro reached up and clamped a hand over her mouth. "What on earth is wrong with you? Why are you screaming?"

Hinata bit his hand.

"Ouch!"

"I have every right to be screaming! You try waking up with a face full of man-chest! Why are we in bed together? Why are we _touching_?"

Yesterday, Kankuro would have gotten angry with her, but today her attitude only made him depressed. It took him a moment to remember why. Oh, yeah, that's right. He was in love with her.

Hinata's mother knocked on the door. "Hinata? Your father wants to know if you're dying."

Hinata glared at Kankuro for a second. "I'm not dying, Mama."

"Good. Now shut the hell up. Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"I should have told her you were trying to rape me," Hinata muttered after her mother staggered back to bed.

"Rape you?!" Kankuro exclaimed. "Look, I'm sorry that you have some horrible hang-up about physical contact, but _please_. You're the one who felt like crawling into bed with me last night, so don't go around telling people that _I'm_ the one molesting people in their sleep!"

"I di-didn't crawl into bed with you," Hinata said with a shudder.

"Are you implying that I dragged you into bed last night so I could cuddle with you or something?" Kankuro asked. "What kind of freak do you take me for?"

Hinata turned red and looked away. "Well... I- I didn't get here on my own, so... y-you must have."

"Are you crazy? I'm not some psycho like my brother, you know. I don't have some fetish for watching people sleep," _Although you do look really peaceful and beautiful and I'm not saying that I have a __**problem**__ with watching you sleep, _Kankuro shook himself off. "I don't like watching people sleep."

"Yeah... you just said that," Hinata said, her instinct to be polite clashing with how distressed she was, for an unusually sarcastic effect. "But it doesn't explain why I'm here."

"I don't even know when you went to sleep last night! I was totally out of it. In case you forgot, we spent yesterday talking to the _cops_!"

Someone knocked on the door.

"Oh, what is it?" Hinata and Kankuro snapped.

"If you guys keep arguing you're going to end up like your parents," Neji informed them. "Hinata's, I mean. Not Kankuro's. Now _that_ would be something to worry about."

"Neji!" Hinata yelled towards the door. "Kankuro tried to rape me!"

"I did not!"

"Then why did I wake up next to you?"

Neji opened the door a little. "What? Oh, for the love of— _I _stuck you there to get you out of my bed so I could sleep."

"You were sleeping with your brother?!" Kankuro gasped.

"Cousin," Neji corrected him tiredly. "And we weren't sleeping together."

"I wanted to," Hinata said, "But no, you won't sleep with married women, so you dump me with Kankuro."

Neji sighed again and looked over at Hinata. "Sleeping in this case is a euphemism for having sex, dear. I was telling him that we are not having sex. So, last night, I put you in bed with Kankuro, no, he was not trying to rape you, and no, I am not sleeping with Hinata. Now will you two kiss and make up already? I'm trying to sleep." He slammed the door shut and walked away.

Kankuro smiled a little at the suggestion. Kiss and make up... Kiss and...

Hinata got to her feet, interrupting Kankuro's daydream, yanked a blanket off of the bed, and curled up on the floor.

"I love you, too," Kankuro muttered, reaching for his shirt. He didn't usually drink coffee, but it seemed like a good time for it.

* * *

LilMzSunshine,

The following review has been submitted to: Matchmaker, Matchmaker Chapter: 6: Dark Deeds.

From XxpuppetmasterxX

Wow, Sunny, Youko's got a pretty wild night life. XD

The return chapter might be a little late... It'll take me a while to work this in.

* * *

Hinata stared at the review in despair. It just seemed so unenthusiastic, and he hadn't even replied to her email. She wrote back asking if he was ok with adding a little more action in the story. Maybe he preferred drama? It was something akin to romance, and romance was something akin to XxpuppetmasterxX's specialty.

* * *

"Kankuro-kun? Feeling ok?" Hanabi asked, displaying something that might have been sympathy as Kankuro picked at his eggs in the kitchen.

Kankuro smiled wanly. "I'm fine..." He couldn't eat. Hinata was on the computer, writing to him. He was jealous of himself. How dare that asshole online alter-ego of his turn his Sunshine against him? He couldn't stand this, couldn't live like this for long. "Hey, Hanabi, you want these eggs?"

Hanabi swallowed hard to keep from drooling. "Are... well, they're yours,"

"Nah," Kankuro pushed the plate towards her. "I'm not really hungry." He smiled as she scurried towards the food. "Your parents going to feed you or anything loving like that today?"

"After all they had to drink yesterday? I doubt they'll be out of bed."

"You know, Hanabi, your family always makes me feel better about being an orphan."

Hanabi looked up at him curiously. "But you're not an orphan, Kankuro-kun."

"No, I guess not," Kankuro sighed, taking a sip of coffee and grimacing.

"That looks absolutely disgusting," Neji said, peering over Kankuro's shoulder at the beverage he had been trying to choke down.

"It is," Kankuro assured him. "I don't know how to make coffee."

Neji shrugged. "Neither do I," he said, pouring himself a mug of the same gunk that Kankuro was drinking. He took a sip as though biting back his gag reflex.

"So... What are you doing up at this hour?" Kankuro asked after a moment.

"Well, some time around one o'clock this morning, I realized that if I stay in this house another second I'm going to go insane,"

"Won't be a long trip," Hanabi muttered.

Neji ignored her, but did set his mug down on her hand, causing her to yelp. "So I decided that I'm going over to Gai's for a few days. You can come if you want."

"Great, I'll get my stuff," Hanabi said, rubbing her burned hand.

"Not you! Kankuro. He needs reminding that there's still normal intelligent humans in Konoha, even if he hasn't talked to any of them recently."

"I thought you were going to Gai's," Hanabi said simply.

Neji blinked. "In my social circles, 'normal' is a relative term."

"Are you saying that Gai is more normal that we are?"

"In a word, yes. You coming, Kankuro? You can use the computer."

Kankuro shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

* * *

Email

From XxpuppetmasterxX To: LilMzSunshine

Subject: RE: Everything ok, puppy?

Sunny,

Sorry, I'm fine with the direction the story is taking. Your writing style is superb, as always, and you turned it into an action story without any awkward transition.

And I'm glad you're ok after that attack... That must have been pretty traumatic for you.

The real reason I'm writing though, is that I'm thinking of spending more time getting to know my wife. I mean... I am married to her, and I'm probably going to be for a long time, too. I can't just hang out online and pretend that she doesn't exist. And, it's not like we've really given our spouses much of a chance. We both pretty much decided to hate them from the beginning, you know. I think Puppet Mistress might actually be pretty nice. So, I'm going to spend less time online from now on. Maybe you should try to do the same. I'm sure Mr. Sunshine has his good points.

Sorry, Sunny. I'll still be in touch and everything.

-Puppy

* * *

Kankuro took a deep breath and pressed "Send." It was the best way to go about this, really. It was. Without Puppetmaster to distract her, Hinata might stop thinking about everything she hated about Kankuro. And Kankuro had the advantage of being her friend; he knew what she thought about her husband, and what she really wanted. She would fall in love with him, the real him, and they could forget about their little online romances. It would work. It had to work.

Neji's cellphone rang a few minutes later.

"Hello... What's up?... I'm at Gai's... Yeah, we're in the middle of watching_ Densha Otoko_... Yeah, I am enjoying it, so can this wait?... Give her a Midol or something... Oh, fine, I'll be right over." He hung up. "I've got to go, guys. Clan drama. God, I hate my family."

Tenten sighed disappointedly and paused the movie. "Neji, you don't _have_ to live with them if you don't want to. It's not like they're forcing you."

"No, but I like to sleep in, and you can do that with them. With Gai, things start a lot earlier. Also my aunt, unlike Lee, occasionally buys groceries with nutrients in them. You coming, Kankuro, or do you want to stay here?"

Kankuro glanced from the TV screen to the computer to Neji. He had just started paying attention to the movie, so that wasn't a big concern. He just wasn't sure he was ready to face Hinata yet. But he also thought that if there really was a family emergency, it would probably be for the best that he showed up to be supportive. After all, family was important to LilMzSun-- to Hinata. Her other stories showed that clearly enough, even if _Matchmaker Matchmaker_ made them out to be pretty awful. He supposed the whole story was just her venting a lot of frustration. "All right, let me find my shoes."

* * *

As it turned out, Hanabi had called Neji up to deal with a situation which wasn't really the family-wide crisis as Neji had made it out to be.

"So, where is she?" he asked as he and Kankuro walked in. Hanabi pointed silently toward the couch.

"NEJI-NII-SAN!" the couch wailed. Hinata launched herself off of it and clung pitifully to Neji's neck. "Puppy just— he said—,"

Neji rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, feel free to just sob all over me every time that one of your little online friends sends you a cryptic message."

"But, Neji, you don't understand! He says he's not–," Hinata cried. "He said that—,"

Kankuro shuffled from one foot to the other. He didn't like to see LilMz— Hinata so upset over something that he said to her. "Should I make some tea, or–,"

Hinata jumped about a foot in the air, then shrunk behind Neji's back, staring at Kankuro accusingly. _"Why's he here?"_ she whispered to Neji.

"Because he's married to you and he lives here," Neji said impatiently. Hinata shrunk down more, so Kankuro couldn't see her, but her hands, clutching Neji's shirt, clenched up angrily.

"We're going to the kitchen," Hanabi announced loudly, pulling Kankuro away.

Hinata sighed with relief when Kankuro left the room.

"All right, Hinata, what the hell is wrong with you this time, and why can't you talk to Kiba or Shino about it?"

"Kiba and Shino don't understand!" she whimpered. "They think Kankuro is so great, and they're always teasing me about my writing. They don't even know about Puppy."

Neji rolled his eyes as he patted her back. "All right, fine. What happened?"

"He broke up with me! He wants to connect with his slutty bitchy uptight snob of a wife. I don't understand... I thought we were... I thought we had something–,"

"Special?" Neji suggested, desperately trying to keep the boredom out of his voice.

"I wasn't going to say that. But, you know, I really thought that he loved me, and then suddenly it's like I'm completely dead to him! Did I say something wrong? Or was I just reading too much into our friendship? Was he leading me on?"

"You didn't even go through this crap when Naruto broke your heart."

"Well, I was worried about getting married... and anyway, he _likes_ Sakura. He wasn't just ditching me for some girl he doesn't even like. And I wasn't... I mean, nothing ever happened between me and Naruto." Hinata gulped, then broke into another round of helpless sobbing. "Puppy and I were friends. More than friends. And he hates her, Neji! He really hates her! Why would he leave me for her?"

Neji didn't like drama, one of the reasons he opted to live with the ever-repressed Hyuugas rather than Team Gai. "Well, technically, he's been with her this whole time, and you're the home wrecker."

"That's not fair, Nii-san. It's not. You don't know! He's miserable with her! She's horrible! Absolutely horrible! He's too good for her."

"You don't even know her, Hinata."

"But–," Hinata looked up at her cousin piteously. "I need him..."

"You have me," Neji said matter-of-factly. "You have Kiba, and Shino, and Shikamaru, and Kurenai, and Sai and Ino and Chouji and Tenten and Lee, and we're all real. We all care about you, you know. We love you just as much, probably more, than any random guy that you met online. He's not the first one to realize how smart and adorable you are, and he's not going to be the last, or the best."

Hinata squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head wildly. "I don't know what to do without him! I can't live just stuck with- with- _Kankuro_ the rest of my life. I can't do it!"

"At least try it," Neji suggested, hoping there was some aspirin in the medicine cabinet. He was going to need some by the time she was done with her little fit.

Kankuro had been waiting in the next room with some tea and his best supportive and not-intimidating face on, hoping to sweep Su– Hinata off her feet with his dashing chivalry, and he was glad Neji had created this opening for him.

"Um," he cleared his throat and stepped into view. "Do you want some tea, or I could make cookies, or–,"

Hinata pushed Neji away when she saw him and scuttled away, keeping her puffy, tearstained face out of sight as much as possible. "No th-thanks. I'm going to Shikamaru's... I probably won't be back for a while."

Kankuro watched helplessly as she made a break for the door, still holding the mug in one hand. XxpuppetmasterxX laughed at him inside his head._ You screwed up, Kankuro. Just like you always do. When it comes to love, you are, in fact, made of suck._

Neji grabbed the cup of tea out of Kankuro's outstretched hand and left the Sand nin standing there, frozen in place, while he walked off, sipping tea and muttering about painkillers, soap opera dramas, and how he would give his right arm to have been born an Akamichi.


	11. Mr Puppet's Advice

XxpuppetmasterxX and LilMzSunshine

Chapter 11: Mr. Puppet's Advice

A/N: I always feel like I need to apologize for Hinata's behavior. In the last chapter, she wasn't trying to be cruel to Kankuro; she was trying to avoid him, because he's an unpleasant reminder of why she and Puppy can't be together.

* * *

_One should never know too precisely whom one has married._

_-Friedrich Nietzsche_

* * *

Email

From: XxpuppetmasterxX To: LilMzSunshine

Subject: I've Made A Huge Mistake

Sunny,

I'm so sorry about my last email. There's no excuse for it. I was just... I dunno, stressed, or tired, or PMS'ing or something. I have no reason to complain, you've put up with so much more in the past few days.

I do want to be nicer to Puppet Mistress, because I feel like she's miserable living with me, but I don't want to lose you. I've felt so miserable since I sent that last email, thinking about what I'd done. I don't think I can survive without you anymore. I love you.

Please forgive me, please don't forget about me.

Anxiously and miserably yours (forever and ever),

XxpuppetmasterxX

* * *

"NEJI! NEJI! GET OVER HERE! LOOK AT THIS!"

Neji looked up from the bag he was stuffing his clothes into and lumbered over to the computer room.

"What?" he asked irately. Neji's patience had thinned dramatically the night before, when Hinata crashed in slightly drunk, courtesy of Shikamaru's family recipe for dealing with heartbreak, and he had to put her to bed before anybody noticed. This was difficult to do without waking Kankuro (who was sleeping on the floor) or hitting her for crying about her lost Puppy.

"XxpuppetmasterxX apologized! He says he loves me!" Hinata sighed dreamily and read aloud, "I don't think I can survive without you anymore. I love you," she swooned. Neji left her lying on the chair and went back to packing.

* * *

"Neji, why is my daughter lying unconscious in front of the computer?"

Hiashi had noticed this phenomenon when he woke up and attempted to find some coffee. It had struck him as rather odd.

"Well, my guess would be that she passed out. She does tend to do that," Neji shrugged without looking up from his final suitcase. "Why, did you want me to do something about it?"

"...Yes, kind of. She's your cousin."

"She's your daughter, you deal with it. Or have Kankuro deal with it. That is what he's for, right?"

"Oh, _that's_ what he's for," Hiashi whispered to himself. This made sense. However, something was wrong with this picture, and he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

"He's sure as hell not for sleeping with her, I can tell you that," Neji snorted.

Suddenly, it struck him. "Neji, why are you packing?"

Neji looked up for the first time during the conversation, a polite and fake grin pasted on his face. "About that," he said, handing Hiashi an envelope, which he opened.

"Your two-weeks notice?"

"Oh, is that what it says?" Neji asked, yanked the envelope out of his uncle's hand, scratched out the word "weeks", replaced it with "minutes", and then placed it back in Hiashi's hand.

"You're moving out?"

"I've had enough, _sir_." Hiashi had yet to notice that Neji was always being sarcastic when talking to him. Everybody else had, of course, but they had never felt like enlightening him. "I think I've fulfilled any contract that could possibly exist between us sometime between Hinata's third and fourth emotional breakdown this month. Good luck dealing with this lot without me. Not, of course, that you need my help or anything."

"Huh?"

"This isn't difficult, sir. I'm leaving. I will be living somewhere else from now on."

"Huh?" This was from Hanabi, who had also found Hinata in a state of shock in the living room, and also wanted to ask Neji what was going on.

"I'm out of here," Neji explained to her, shouldering one suitcase and working on the dufflebag, which made him very lopsided. "Have a good life, Midget, and I'll see you when the next parent dies."

"Well, I'd rather be dead here than alive at Gai's," Hiashi said rather snidely.

"I'd be happy to help you arrange that," Neji said brightly, lumbering out of the room with his stuff before his uncle could piece together the implications.

Kankuro stumbled out into the hall in his pajamas, a little face-paint smeared on haphazardly. "What's going on?"

"I'm leaving," Neji explained yet again, giving Kankuro the courtesy of setting down his baggage and patting the young man on the shoulder. "Good luck, Kankuro. You know, I actually like you a lot. I hope you win," he said, partly to himself.

"So do I," Kankuro said after Neji had once again shouldered his duffle bag and walked off.

* * *

Email

From: XxpuppetmasterxX To: LilMzSunshine

Sunny,

Hey, sorry about how long the chapter's taking. Puppet Mistress is practically glued to the computer these days, so I haven't had time to type it... also, I'm a bit stuck in one part, but nothing to worry about. X3

Love you

-Puppy

* * *

He glared at her, infuriated. He should have felt sorry for her, sympathetic after their ordeal, even grateful for her quick thinking that had saved both their lives. But instead he saw her as he did everyday, self-absorbed, timid, frigid, and uncompromising. But it made sense. Why would a few moments of shared terror have changed their relationship? No, she was still the same old her, with her flowing, silky hair, piercing eyes and withdrawn, impossible attitude.

"Can you at least _try_ to treat me like a human being?" he finally yelled.

"I- I do," she stuttered in that infuriating weak way (all the more so because he knew she wasn't weak, not really). "Please, Kenta, don't be angry. I- I- I need you."

He looked at her, gazing up at him. "Youko..."

* * *

"AHH!" Kankuro growled in frustration, scratched out the lines on the notebook, and turned to a fresh page. "And that one was going so well, too!"

He had been desperately working on the next chapter of _Make Me a Match_ for the two weeks since Neji had moved out, and while it had been simple enough to draw the two characters into an argument, he couldn't think up a way to end it. Well, he could, and had. He had written about twenty endings, all of them so out of character that the God of Continuity died a little with every piece of paper that he wasted on them. He would be going along, not really thinking about it, just another story, when his pencil would start writing things like "he drew closer, pulling her into a deep kiss." (Add insult to injury, it was always incredibly corny, as well as out of character.)

"All right," he said to his traitorous pencil. "Let's have Youko throw something at him before he can open his mouth."

"_Can you at least try to treat me like I'm—," Kenta was cut off as a vase shattered inches away from his head. Youko screamed—_

"Kankuro-kun, I- I'm off the computer now."

Kankuro looked up, instinctively closing the notebook and throwing it behind Karasu just before Hinata peeked her head around the corner of Neji's room, which Kankuro had taken over as an office and place to store his puppets.

"Ok, thanks."

"Y-you're w-w-welcome," Hinata whispered, but Kankuro didn't hear her as he walked past, and he just thought she was being rude, as always.

Hinata had been practically glued to the computer in recent days, not only hoping for word from her online lover, but also trying to get in touch with Neji, who was studiously avoiding his entire clan so well that her mother had called Gai up the day before just to make sure that her nephew had arrived at his new home. Lee had told Naruto, who told Sakura, who told Ino, who told Shikamaru, who told Hinata, that Neji had returned to Team Gai's home almost as full of youthful enthusiasm as Gai-sensei himself, and that he did nothing but train with Tenten and lie on his back in the yard, watching the clouds and whistling to himself.

It wasn't that Hinata wasn't happy that her cousin's latest attempt to flee from his family seemed to be going well for him. She just wished that he had taken her along, too. Or that he would answer his emails. Which would mean not fully escaping from their family, which basically boils down to, yeah, she wasn't happy that his latest attempt to flee was going well.

XxpuppetmasterxX was being wonderful, as always, but he wasn't there for her to talk to twenty-four/seven. Shikamaru was going through writer's block and didn't want to hear anything that wouldn't be ridiculous, ironic, and inspirational. Kiba and Shino treated her and Kankuro as a single entity now. Hanabi's reaction to all her complaints were "Put on your big-girl panties and _deal_ with it, sis." Her mother suggested that she join a nunnery if she wanted out that bad ("I almost did the week before I married your father, but your grandmother caught me sneaking out of the house.") and her father had fixed her with a blank look and stared in her general vicinity until she gave up and left him there. Life had been a lot easier when she could always find Neji hanging around and talk at him until he was forced to reply to silence her.

So, with Kankuro gone from his work space, Hinata flopped down on Neji's old bed and stared at the ceiling for a while. She had a revelation.

"This sucks."

She looked at Karasu, hanging off of the closet door, staring at her quizzically. "Hello, there, puppet-san. I'm sorry, I didn't see you."

Karasu grinned at her.

"I mean, I do feel kind of bad when I make Nii-san listen to all my problems, but it's just... I feel like he doesn't mind." She sighed at the puppet. "Ok, I know he minds, but... when I tell other people, I'm afraid that they'll get bored with me, and I don't care if Nii-san gets bored with me, 'cause he'll listen to me anyway.

"Is that mean of me? There aren't many people that I really feel I can talk to. I mean, when I'm around Shikamaru, I can talk about writing, which _is_ important to me, and when I'm around Kiba and Shino, I feel really happy and _free_. But I only really talk to Neji. And Puppy."

She looked over at Karasu again. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't tell you things like this. You have certain loyalties, I understand. And it really is horrible of me, I know, but... well, I'm in love with someone else. ...Puppet-san, does Kankuro-kun ever talk about me? Does he think I'm mean? Am I just this horrible, despicable bitch who drives all her friends away? Because I don't mean to be, honest. I just... I panic.

"Don't look at me like that! I know it's no excuse." Karasu kept looking at her, only Hinata thought maybe he was a little more sympathetic now. "I shouldn't burden you with these things. Imagine having to fight next to Kankuro, knowing about his wife's infidelity... damn, that would make a good plot for a story." She grinned. "I'll name it after you, ok? You... I'm sorry, I've been rude, calling you Puppet-san..." She walked over to where Karasu was hanging and bowed politely. "I'm Hinata... and your name?"

Karasu didn't answer, of course, so Hinata began searching him for some sign of his name. "Do you have a name-tag, Puppet-san? ...what's this?"

She picked up the notebook lying next to the puppet. "What's this? It looks a little like the notebook Shikamaru got me when I went to Suna... What was Neji doing with it?"

Suddenly, she remembered some of the things she had written in that particular notebook, and, panicked that Kankuro would find it if it was left here, shoved it down her shirt. "We won't be telling Kankuro-kun about this, will we, Puppet-san? I think I'd better be leaving, but thank you for listening... this could be the start of a beautiful friendship, don't you think?"

She was about to grab Karasu's hand and shake, when her limbs froze.

"Don't touch him," Kankuro said. Hinata spun around against her will.

"I-I'm sorry," she said, avoiding his eyes. "I was just— I didn't mean to snoop..."

"It's all right," Kankuro said, walking towards her, the chakra threads still anchoring her to the spot. "It's just dangerous."

He tapped the palm of the puppet hand that Hinata had been preparing to shake, and needles shot out of the fingers. "He's a weapon, first and foremost. I don't want you getting poisoned."

"I'm sorry," Hinata squeaked. "I didn't think..."

"No harm done," Kankuro said amicably, releasing the threads around her. "Just be careful."

"Um..." Hinata gulped. Kankuro seemed in a good mood, so she doubted that he had overheard her conversation. "Does... does he have a name?"

Kankuro looked at her appreciatively. Hinata supposed that he didn't get asked questions about his puppets often. "His name is Karasu."

"He seems very friendly," she said.

Kankuro stared at her, trying to decide if she was teasing, or just a moron. "If he likes you, he can be."

"Oh..." Hinata turned red. "Well, I'm sorry for intruding..."

"It's ok," Kankuro assured her again, but Hinata made a retreat anyway.

Kankuro had no way of knowing that she had suddenly remembered the notebook in her jacket and left to hide it more effectively.

* * *

"You impossible man!" Youko screamed. "Can't you just be grateful that I saved your life? I probably shouldn't have, you know. Then I'd be out of this disgusting mockery of a marriage!"

"You wouldn't have saved me if he hadn't been trying to kill you, too!" Kenta muttered, angered by this little brat that he was so in love with.

DAMMIT!

* * *

Hinata tried to decipher the lines that had been violently scratched out on every page. Every few sentences seemed to end in a declaration of love.

Actually, that wasn't true. The first twenty pages or so were normal writing, outlining the chapters. It was the latest one that seemed to be giving him trouble.

But this was a minor detail. She took a deep breath and focused on what this notebook really meant. What it meant that Kankuro had this in his room.

And what she was supposed to do now.

* * *

Hinata wouldn't look him in the eye at dinner. This was typical, but it gave Kankuro a few flashes of inspiration, and after leaving Hanabi with the dishes, he went to write a little.

Except that his notebook wasn't in his study.

"Oh crap."

He tore the place apart, looking for it, but all he managed to find were some old magazines of Neji's that had clearly been hidden for a reason. He doubted that Hinata had found it, although he _had_ caught her hanging around Karasu, and he did seem to remember hiding it there last. There was no change in her attitude towards him. He figured it was more likely that he had left it somewhere else.

* * *

Hinata noticed that Kankuro seemed distracted the next day, searching around the computer room, the kitchen, and even their bedroom, although he only went there to sleep ever since acquiring Neji's old room. If she had any doubts, Kankuro's searching erased them.

* * *

Kankuro carefully screwed the chest plate back onto one of his puppets. He hadn't really thought that he would take the time to hide the notebook in one of them, but he might as well check. He would have to ask Hanabi to help him look... she would be curious, of course, but he doubted that she would care too much about his online life; she rarely noticed Hinata's.

But he would have to be quick on his feet to get her to swear to secrecy. He decided to confront her in the morning.

He wiped off his makeup wearily and pulled off his shirt, tossing it on the bed before turning around.

Sitting on the pillow was his notebook, with a small sticky note attached to it. Kankuro ripped off the note and held it up to the light.

_To: XxpuppetmasterxX From: LilMzSunshine_

_Subject: Looking for something?_

_Hey, Puppy. I found this, thought you might need it if you're ever going to update (and I am getting a little impatient...)_

_Love,_

_-Sunny_

_Ps: I hope you don't mind that I peeked ahead... and I really like the direction it's taking._

"How long have you known?" Hinata asked. Kankuro winced and turned to face her. She was standing in the doorway, resting her head against the frame.

"N-not long..." he stuttered, astonished. "Just since your last chapter."

She took a step forward. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I..." Kankuro gulped. "I didn't want you to hate me."

"Oh..." Hinata turned red. "I..." She took another step towards him and put her hands against his cheeks. "You told me you were too awkward," she said.

"You told me you were too pale," Kankuro countered.

"You told me your hair was ugly," she continued, reaching her fingers to touch the offending fibers.

"You told me your hair looks like a wig."

"You told me your nose was a tumor."

"You told me your eyes were like a corpse."

"You told me I looked like a princess."

"You told me I was incredibly handsome."

"You told me not to waste any sympathy on you."

"You told me you wouldn't be afraid of me," Kankuro reminded her in turn.

"I'm not," Hinata said. "Not anymore."

"So... can I–," Kankuro turned red and tilted his head towards her hesitantly. "Can I...kiss you?"

Hinata blushed and stood on her tiptoes. Kankuro wished he wasn't so tall. "Of course, Puppy."

* * *

Hinata woke up before dawn to find her head resting on Kankuro's shoulder. It would be nice, she reflected, to not have to wake up on the floor anymore. And she didn't have to bother Neji when she wanted to cuddle with someone.

A loud snore from Kankuro reminded her why she was awake. "Puppy," she muttered, shaking his shoulder. "Puppy, stop that."

Kankuro snorked once, then went back to sleep, breathing quietly this time.

Hinata checked the kunai under her pillow. If XxpuppetmasterxX had not sent the assassin for Kankuro, and LilMzSunshine had not sent the assassin for her, then it was clear to Hinata that she should keep an eye out. She hadn't mentioned it to Kankuro... it would just make him worry... and it wasn't really something to worry about.

Satisfied that she was armed, Hinata looked over at Kankuro one more time, kissed his cheek, and snuggled deeper into the blankets. Smiling contentedly for the first time in months, she went back to sleep.


	12. Epilogue

XxpuppetmasterxX and LilMzSunshine

Chapter 12: Epilogue

A/N: The following chapter is not meant as a judgement on any reviews.

_--_

_When writers refer to themselves as "we" and to the reader as "you", it's two against one. _

_-Judith Rascoe_

_-- _

LilMzSunshine,

The following review has been submitted to: Matchmaker, Matchmaker Chapter: 8: Happily Ever After

From flower-gurl96

Wow, this was... unexpected.

I really love your writing style, but this ending was a lot more sudden. I thought this would be a lot longer.

--

XxpuppetmasterxX,

The following review has been submitted to: Make Me a Match Chapter: 8: Happily Ever After

From WTF BBQ FTW

Hey, I was loving this story, but the romance was totally out of nowhere. It's still well written, but I didn't expect the two of them to fall in love at all. It seemed out of character and didn't fit well with the plot.

--

LilMzSunshine,

The following review has been submitted to: Matchmaker, Matchmaker Chapter: 8: Happily Ever After

From Twin Dragon Diez

Hey, what about the assassin? I mean, your writing is good enough that I don't mind the mushy romance (although it was a bit unexpected), but it's not like you to leave a plot hanging.

--

XxpuppetmasterxX,

The following review has been submitted to: Make Me a Match Chapter: 8: Happily Ever After

From GreenLotus

This is the end? It's adorable! I totally did not see them falling in love! (Although, I guess we should have seen it coming... Youko and Kenta are based on Sunshine and you, aren't they? -wink-)

Are you two going to do a continuation?

--

Shikamaru grinned sardonically as he read through the reviews on the latest chapters of the recently-completed _Matchmaker Matchermaker_ and _Make Me a Match_. None of them were particularly good, but, then, Shikamaru had never understood the stories' popularity.

In any case, he also had inside information that XxpuppetmasterxX and LilMzSunshine had thought very carefully about the end of their stories. They were not expecting good reactions. In fact, they knew that the ending was sudden and disappointing. But they couldn't bring themselves to keep writing.

Also, as XxpuppetmasterxX had put it during their last "Anti-Writer's Block" breakfast, "It'd be nice if Kenta and Youko could live happily ever after, too. They are pretty much responsible for... well, everything."

On the plus side, the PuppyXSunny community would be very, very happy in a few days. At least, if Shikamaru's glimpse at Hinata and Kankuro's new notebook was any indication.

--

A/N: Ok, that's the end.

I must say that I love this story very much... it may be a bit cheesy, but I never said it wasn't. I'm a sucker for a good romance that involves my favorite websites.

Thank you so much for your reviews, faves, and alerts on this!


End file.
